Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
I'm screaming into the wind
enough is enough
I've had it with having to let go
nobody ever wants to hold on
to the ugly one
to the one no-one pursues
to the one men go out with on a dare
memories of being the laughingstock
overwhelm me
I want to hide inside forever
I want to dance a little
but my body is broken
I don't laugh and sing in my dreams
I don't expect anything
except more rejection
don't reach out
stay inside
run and hide
nobody hears
and if they hear they don't listen
and if they listen
they don't understand
I'm forever screaming inside myself
because I know nobody hears
~Cie~
Notes:
Sorry, but I'm rubbish at making shape poems and I just got through writing a book review and I haven't even gotten to writing a chapter in my own story yet, so you get this tortured-scream free verse, in part inspired by the song I'm about to share, one to which I've been able to relate to all too well in my life.
Please, I implore you, this is one of those don't try to fix me pieces. Let me let it bleed. If there's one place a person ought to be able to express the dark, the bitter, the broken, that place is poetry.
Also, please don't say "I hope this isn't autobiographical."
It is, and saying that will not make it not autobiographical.
Let me let it bleed.
The aftermath of bullying is forever.
The aftermath of bullying is forever.
I know the feeling. I didn't attend my 50th high school reunion, still unable to face people who screamed at me ugly names, even though we are in our sixties. I was too afraid of someone getting drunk and behaving badly. This poem spoke to me. I didn't know what a shape poem was.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya! I went to my tenth high school reunion (why I'll never know) but was completely plastered so I have very little memory of it. I'll never go to another one. I don't see the point. Most of those people treated me like trash.
DeleteNot being heard or being heard and not understood is one that hurts. I do feel the pain in your words.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words. :-)
DeleteI once read that feeling like one is not being heard tends to cause problems in the throat area. While I'm pretty sure my thyroid problems occurred because my entire endocrine system is trash, when I was younger I used to get horrible tonsillitis. After I had my tonsils removed, I still got horrendous sore throats all the time. The year that I was in the 5th grade I had such bad laryngitis that I couldn't speak for three weeks. Now I hardly ever get much worse than an occasional scratchy throat. Who knows, it could have something to do with the frustration of feeling unheard.
I hadn't seen Mike Muir in a while, thank you! Insitutionalized is still one of my favorurite songs. He does a great job of screaming and singing the things we don't know how to scream or sing about.
ReplyDeleteYeah, he's definitely not one of those people who gets splashed all over the gossip columns. The deep thinkers generally don't.
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