When I'm working long hours
For almost no money
And am in danger of losing everything
And it's come to the point
Where I have to think along the lines
of this:
When all but one of my three cats are dead
I can put some things in storage
And throw out or give away the rest
And then I can live in one of those places
That you can rent by the week or the month
Because I have nowhere I can go
You see, I can't stand to live with my mother
And living with my son
Would put a strain on our relationship
Because he likes to live alone
And I don't want to be a burden
I don't have the money
To make my nice used car
Which I'm still paying off
Look pretty again
After the hailstorm which damaged it
My son is helping me pay for it
I have skills
Which I can only use
In circumstances where I can pace myself
Because of my declining
Endocrine health
I nearly passed out
The last time I tried
To work in a nursing home
If I ever have to go into a nursing home
I will kill myself
That is not hyperbole
I cannot and will not
Live in one of those places
For me, that would be a death sentence
The end of the line
Now, you can tell me to keep fighting
But if all you have to offer
Is Pollyanna Positivity
Where you're going to tell me to be happy
Or trust your god
Whom I don't believe in, by the way
(I'm not an atheist, I just don't believe in THAT god)
Then I'm going to tell you
To please just keep walking
And don't start talking
Because it will only
Make things worse
Between my declining health
And my declining money
And being on the verge
Of losing everything
Pollyanna Positivity
Will only bring out the worst in me
You wouldn't like me when I see red
~Cie~
