Lovely, luminous lady Luna
I dreamed you landed on the seashore
Compelling me with your soft, pale light
Pulled into the sweet sensation of your celestial embrace
I never wish to break free from your orbit
**********************
This poem is written from the perspective of one of the Netherworld's best loved characters to his wife. They are fugitives
from a horrible Dystopian future. She spent the first seventeen years of her life in a bio-dome on the moon. He often writes
romantic poems referring to her origins.
These characters were most recently referenced:
Here, at The Netherworld
or
Here, at Undead in the
Netherworld
~Wanda~
Prompts used:
Note from Wanda:
I put the poem back up under protest. Several of the other team members asked me to do so, and I suppose removing it wasn't fair to all the people who came by and said nice things. I appreciate those of you who did.
I should not have published this poem here, or at any rate, I should not have shared it on blog hops. I thought it was cuter than it actually turned out to be. In reality, it's not very good. I was trying to write from the point of view of one of our characters. It was a stupid idea. I will not do anything this ridiculous again in the future. I'm pretty sure the Vogons could write better poetry than this drivel.
I'm not a very good poet. I wrote it for fun. To those of you who bothered coming here to read this shit, I'm sorry. The last time I published a poem here was October 2013, in memory of my father, who will be gone ten years on the 28th of this month. Fortunately, the times I wax poetic are few and far between, because I'm terrible at it.
My father taught English comp and literature at a high school level. He's probably hiding his head behind his wings in shame from the other angels because his daughter is such a talentless hack. I'm sorry I let you down, Dad. I'm not very good at much of anything, I'm afraid. I will always love you. I wish I could have made you proud in some way.
~Wanda~
Update August 10 2014
I changed the last line. Maybe the change will be more to the liking of the readers.
I'm trying to give the poem a chance. I still don't like it very well at this point and I'm still wondering why I thought it was a good idea to write and/or share it.
Thank you to those who expressed supportive thoughts. Nobody really said anything mean. I'm way too sensitive in the first place, and I've been having family and money problems to compound everything. It was a straw that broke the camel's back thing to have my writing criticized. I overreacted and I'm sorry.
~Wanda~
Your poem is unique and wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThank you, on behalf of Wanda.
DeleteYour poem is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteKind thanks, on behalf of Wanda.
DeleteI really like the line, "Compelling me with your soft, pale light." It makes me picture staring with loving fascination at a lover's face as people have looked looked at the pale light of the moon since the beginning of time. It creates a picture of timelessness.
ReplyDeleteWhat a nice way to describe it! I'm sure Wanda will appreciate your words. :-)
DeleteNice poem, I want to be caught in the moonlight!
ReplyDeleteI too am fond of the moonlight. Thanks for visiting, on behalf of Wanda.
DeleteNice poem but I felt that the last line was a bit off. Maybe it's me.
ReplyDeleteGreat work though..
Meh, it's free verse. Anything goes.
DeleteThanks for visiting, on behalf of Wanda.
Yeah I do think that too. But otherwise, I loved the verses and the imagination :)
DeleteOur character isn't a poet, he's one of the owners of a company that primarily performs security at concerts around the galaxy. Anyway, I think Wanda did a great job. She doesn't identify as a poet either, although she enjoys writing poetry. Personally, I think people are being way too nit-picky on a blog that's purely for enjoyment. None of us are professional writers. However, thank you for visiting.
DeleteHey Wanda I am sorry if I hurt you but I didn't intend to. It was just a friendly suggestion dear.... Don't let me or anyone else to take down your post. It's your hard work and dream. Stick with it and one more thing every daddy is always proud of her daughter no matter what. Cheer up...
DeleteThank you. I'm sure Wanda will appreciate your saying so. She's going through a hard time, so she's more sensitive than usual.
DeleteSimply beautiful, Wanda!
ReplyDeleteThank you, on behalf of Wanda.
DeleteAh, yes, Lady Luna. Excellent!
ReplyDeleteThank you, on behalf of Wanda.
Deletemagical words, beautifully written
ReplyDeleteLuminous Smile
Kind thanks, on behalf of Wanda.
DeleteBeautiful :) I liked the lines describing light followed by embrace :)
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly, on behalf of Wanda.
DeleteIt's freaking FREE VERSE, people! It was written for fun, in the voice of one of our characters. I thought it was very clever. Ugh! Wanda, please don't go changing it to try and please anybody. Seriously, it's perfectly fine the way it is.
ReplyDeleteUrsula is feeling a little peeved at the moment. >:-[
Wanda, I'm not sure what some folks see as problematic about the last line. It looks fine to me. It's all a mater of taste, I think. Please keep writing. I like your voice and am glad you're on the team.
ReplyDeleteI'm also sorry that I didn't put a no con-crit rule before the comment box prior to this. Ursula rectified that. Thank you for being on top of things, Ursula, and for standing up for your teammate. You're both winners in my book! I love you all.
Ursula, you need to write for us more often!
Lovely poem :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you on behalf of Wanda. I see that she's taken it down. Perhaps we can convince her to put it back up in the future.
DeleteWho doesn't love such 'celestial embrace'? :)
ReplyDeleteGreat to be in your orbit :)
Lovely words!
Thank you kindly, on behalf of Wanda.
DeleteWanda, it's a beautiful poem. I hope that with a little time, you'll be able to realize that. As far as writing from the character's perspective, we love that stuff! Please don't stop doing it.
ReplyDeleteWanda, I hope you're feeling better, and I hope that one day you'll see the beauty in your poem again. Your dad couldn't possibly be ashamed of you although I bet he wishes you were happier. He loves you and so do we!
ReplyDeleteHey Wanda, this poem is beautifully written.. I loved it! Stay strong and write more!!
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly, on behalf of Wanda. :-)
DeleteI hope no-one feels bad for offering constructive criticism on the poem. Wanda doesn't want you to. We have a "no con-crit" rule on our other creative blogs, but we forgot to post it here.
ReplyDeleteIf Wanda had been in a better place emotionally, I don't think she would have reacted the way she did. Things are just rough for her right now.
The group writes for catharsis and enjoyment, and having our work deconstructed tends to sour it for many of our team members. I personally don't get bothered by polite criticism, but that's just me. I tend to be pretty easygoing about such things. Also, as a gay man, I had to learn to be "unoffendable" a long time ago, or risk going around being pissed off all the time. This doesn't mean that when people say awful things it doesn't bother me. It just means I've learned to not take it personally. I succeed most of the time!
Wanda, I think the poem is wonderful too. You know what a big nerdy ball of mush I am. I love stuff like this!
<3
I like this, Wanda. It reminded me of the high school pickup lines (that I never used).
ReplyDeleteI ought to put the 'con-crit' rule on mine. I did have someone recently tell me that what I wrote (about a pickup truck) wasn't poetry, merely gearhead talk (I took her off). But the others liked it. I did tell her that besides "her" group I also wrote for families and friends who liked it.
Thank you for visiting my Victoria Secret post, I appreciated your input. And no, I haven't changed a thing, probably won't. At least no one complained but the complainant didn't leave a comment either.
..
Even if it was gearhead talk, so what? If you enjoyed writing it, that's the main thing that counts. Some people just have to pick everything apart. The way I see it, the stuff that gets written on Team Netherworld's blogs is for enjoyment and catharsis. If we want someone to pick it apart, we'll hire an editor at that point!
DeleteI do some proofreading on the side and am trying to figure out a way that I might be able to do it for pay. So far I've only done it as a favor. I always tell the people who ask me to proofread their work that they're free to accept or reject any suggestions I may have as the work is theirs.
We live by the Dr. Frank N. Furter rule here: "I didn't make it for you." But sometimes when a person is feeling vulnerable, the slightest criticism can push them over the edge. I just feel badly that I failed to protect the blog team members from this, and that I failed to give a heads up to any people who might be making suggestions for changes to the work that we didn't want such suggestions. The people making the suggestions did so courteously, but the timing was wrong.
Sorry for the novel. I really appreciate your visit and your words. I know Wanda will too.
Wanda, Honey, this poem of yours is the top most popular post of the site on the day when this comment is published! I hope you will take a second look at it and see the beauty again, the romance of these two lovely characters brought to life in your beautiful words. I do not take well to criticism either. I understand how you feel. But you must trust me that your writing is beautiful.
ReplyDelete