Dark Hearts Love Too: mental health

Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

April Is Upon Us: 2025 Version

Free use image from Gordon Johnson on Pixabay

Hello, fellow poets. I will be participating in NaPoWriMo, the April PAD Challenge from Robert Lee Brewer at Writers Digest, and the Writers.com 30-day poetry challenge this year, but I won’t be publishing my poems here because I am submitting them to Dragon Soul Press for consideration in the forthcoming Soul Chaser anthology from Dragon Soul Press. You can find out more about the anthology on this page.

https://dragonsoulpress.com/poetrycalls/

Here are links to the sites mentioned in the first paragraph.

https://www.writersdigest.com/2025-april-pad-challenge-prompts

Napowrimo.net

https://writers.com/napowrimo-prompts-for-national-poetry-month

One of the prompts for the Wednesday Weekly Blogging Challenge from Long and Short Reviews asks what books I’d like youths to discover.

https://www.longandshortreviews.com/wednesday-weekly-blogging-challenge/

I think young people should be introduced to poetry in all its forms. Classic poetry, modern poetry, world poetry, it’s all worthwhile.

I feel that some people concentrate too much on perfect form. For me, poetry is a way to express certain emotions and concerns that I otherwise can’t. I don’t want to censor the story my soul wants to tell. There’s a time for concentrating on form. However, most of the time, poetry is catharsis, it’s therapy, it’s a way to bleed out without dying.

I didn’t realize until I was in my fifties that the way I behaved as a teenager and even well into my adulthood was a trauma response. I don’t know if I would have survived without poetry to help me express what was happening inside me. I didn’t understand it. I just thought I was crazy. I had a lot of unhelpful labels put on me, but nobody doing the labeling was interested in helping me heal. They wanted compliance from me, not peace for me.

I don’t go on about this sort of thing as much as I used to. In some ways, it’s water under the bridge. I also got tired of not being heard or understood. That’s just the way it is. The people who will get you, especially if you’re an odd specimen like me, are rare birds. The ones who get and like you are rarer still.

So, the cool things I’m doing this month are poetry and creating some sort of weird hybrid mess for a Camp NaNoWriMo replacement project. Everything else involves crap like taxes and Medicaid renewal. Blech! Yuck! Suckville!

The thing about Medicaid renewal is that if we had a national health system, everyone would be on it, so there would be no need for Medicaid renewal. I have believed we should have a national health system in the US since my youth, and I will continue believing it through my old age. I wonder if we’ll get one before I put my other foot in the grave.

Anyway, I want young people to be exposed to poetry from the time they can write. I want them to not only learn about other people’s poetic masterpieces but to learn to create their own. Being able to express one’s pain in a positive way is essential to mental and spiritual health. There isn’t enough focus on the importance of the arts. Engaging in creative activities not only leads to inner peace, it leads to greater understanding of oneself and one’s place in the world.

A world with Medicaid for all and poetry for all would be a much improved place in space.

Ornery Owl Has Spoken

Friday, November 17, 2023

Learning

Image by Jackson David on Unsplash

trying to refresh

my relationship with me

learning not to hate

notes

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2023-november-pad-chapbook-challenge-day-17

Write a refresh poem.

https://chevrefeuillescarpediem.blogspot.com/2012/11/carpe-diem-47-relationship.html

Prompt word: Relationship

I added text art and effects to the base image using Pixlr. You are welcome to share the Haiga, but please credit Cara Hartley/Ornery Owl if you do. A link back to this blog is also appreciated.

Psychological abuse including bullying has impacts that can last a lifetime. Some of the physical issues I am finally addressing were triggered by the constant stress I endured as a target of psychological abuse starting in childhood.

You can't just command a person to be happy and love themselves. Working through these issues isn't easy.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Image by Christine Cuisinez from Pixabay

Ornery Owl is anticipating Christmas. Or at least snow.

Get this encouraging Haiga as a beautiful poster at Ornery Owl's Underground!

https://www.zazzle.com/refresh_poster-256655134222644896

Stalk our store to find out about new products!

https://www.zazzle.com/store/ornery_owls_place

https://odysee.com/@PeaceofMind:9/dark-autumn-music-haunted-fall-village:b?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

Thursday, October 12, 2023

Odontophobia

Base image by Umanoide on Unsplash

Click to enlarge

Oh, how dearly I fear

Dental appointment day.

Only I don't overly mind

Needing my teeth cleaned.

The thing that unsettles me most is sitting

Open-mouthed for long

Periods of time.

Having my face numb,

Orifice probed with a drill,

Being unable to leave

If I choose,

And feeling like I'm choking to death.

notes

Buckle up, Bitches, it's gonna be a rough ride! If you're sensitive about swearing, it's best that you hit the back button on your browser and go bye-bye now.

The beautiful picture poem was inspired by this beautiful prompt, asking participants to prettily share a phobia via an acrostic poem.

https://experiencewriting.com/2023/10/12/oct-12-prompts-pulling-back-the-veil/

Poem, not phorm. What the phucque is a phorm?

I added text art and effects to the image using Pixlr. You're welcome to share the poem with all your dentist friends or anyone else, but please credit Cara Hartley/Ornery Owl and maybe leave a link back to this blog. Thanks in advance.

I have fairly severe odontophobia. I'm not afraid of my dentist. He's a decent guy, unlike the first dentist I saw at ten years old, who told me to shut up and enjoy having my teeth pulled. Not to put too fine a point on it, but he was a cunt.

My history of sexual trauma and instances of dental shaming, including from my father who said that the only people who get cavities are those who eat too much sugar and don't brush properly all contribute to my aversion to dental procedures. The garbage icing on this raw sewage cake is my delightful case of vocal cord dysfunction.

What the hell is vocal cord dysfunction, you wish to know?

Glad you asked! Also called paradoxical vocal fold motion, this means that instead of opening when I inhale, my vocal cords close. Because of course they do. Heaven forfend anything should work properly in this shit show of a body.

Physicians frequently misdiagnose vocal cord dysfunction as asthma because the person dealing with it feels like they are unable to breathe deeply. I was misdiagnosed with asthma for decades. If I have asthma at all, it's mild and allergy-related. One of the tells is the fact that I never found much relief from using an inhaler. I do have allergies. I take Singulair and Zyrtec, which mostly make it so I can breathe through my nose.

A laryngospasm can be triggered by various stimuli, such as cold air, GERD, post-nasal drip, and your friend and mine,

When I'm at the dentist, I jump on a vicious cycle driven by this guy. You might correctly surmise that he doesn't give a fuck about comfort or safety.

Image by Alexa from Pixabay

The vicious cycle process goes a little bit something like this.

I get anxious, in this case about having dental work done.

Instead of opening when I inhale, my vocal cords close.

Feeling like I can't take a good breath makes me feel more anxious.

The more anxious I feel, the more intense the focus on my breath becomes.

I start to feel like I'm choking, which makes me feel even more anxious.

The anxiety builds to the point where I have a panic attack.

Benzodiazepines (I swear I will never be able to spell this word properly), which are what dentists typically prescribe for anxiety, either work paradoxically on my contrary nervous system, elevating my heart rate and causing panic attacks (most benzos) or the amount of adrenaline coursing through my body overwhelms them and they don't work at all (diazepam).

I certainly have a restful sleep if I take diazepam, but it doesn't do jack shit to counteract my dental anxiety.

Nitrous oxide helps a little bit sort of, unless the claustrophobia prompted by the mask triggers a panic attack, which is what happened the last time I tried it.

IV sedation for dental procedures really should be covered by Medicare and Medicaid. Severe dental anxiety isn't uncommon, and it prevents people from getting the care they need. Dental health impacts the rest of the body. If people knew they could sleep through the procedure, they would be less likely to put off getting dental work done.

I always opt for IV sedation where possible for medical procedures. Going under anesthesia scares me shitless, which is a poem for another time. Also, intubation could exacerbate my vocal cord dysfunction, and I sure as hell don't need that.

Dee Snider wrote Under the Blade because being anesthetized and having surgery sucks. The clowns of the PMRC decided the song was about bondage and rape, but at the end of the day, that's all right. The Parental Advisory stickers ended up being a joke, increasing the sales of "naughty" albums. This is exactly what John Denver predicted would happen.

"That which is denied becomes that which is most desired, and that which is hidden becomes that which is most interesting. Consequently, a great deal of time and energy is spent trying to get at what is being kept from you." --John Denver

Like John Denver, I am vehemently opposed to censorship.

I'm feeling mighty generous today, Folks. Here's the 2002 VH1 docudrama depicting the PMRC hearings.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZRS6Avu0cg

~Ornery Owl Has Freely Spoken~

Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

“It's a beautiful thing, the destruction of words.”

― George Orwell, 1984

Monday, October 2, 2023

Rituals

In Holy Smoke by Chinh Le Duc

I miss my rituals

though I am unsure

they amounted to anything.

I miss having something to believe in

but I can't accept

rigid dogma

notes

Today's Haiga-esque creation was inspired by the following prompt.

https://experiencewriting.com/2023/10/02/oct-2-prompts-what-are-your-creative-rituals/

I'm not following these prompts to the letter. You can if you wish, but I'm not up to it.

Text art and effects were added to the base image using Pixlr. You are welcome to share my Haiga thing, but please credit Cara Hartley/Ornery Owl if you do. A link back to this blog would also be nice.

Most of the time I let my poetry speak for itself, but sometimes I've got to pop off. This is one of those times.

You're welcome to believe, not believe, or not be sure of what you believe. I have no interest in making others be or think like me. We have all experienced different things both in this life and potentially whatever lives we had before. You are not me and I am not you.

I wouldn't wish some of the things I've gone through on my worst enemy. I understand that other people's experiences may not have been as contentious so they may not get where I'm coming from. I don't ask you to agree with me, I ask you to try and understand rather than attacking or arguing.

I'm not interested in debating you. If your beliefs serve you well, good on you. Don't try to convince me that I must believe as you do. I don't take well to proselytizing. Conversely, I'm also not keen for acerbic atheism. By this I mean I don't much care for those who mock anyone with spiritual beliefs.

I'm a devout agnostic. I've seen some shit, and most of the time I think there is something of ourselves that continues after the death of the body. I have no irrefutable proof of this, but the idea of absolute nothingness and the idea of a punitive paternal figure who sends anyone who doesn't worship him properly to eternal hell are both incredibly depressing. Since moderate depression is my baseline state, I find it's better if I have something to sort of believe in, and it's best if that thing isn't a sadistic parental figure.

I was a devout Catholic until I turned 18. After that, I fell into New Age philosophy for about 25 years. I found no peace there because I discovered that New Ageism holds to the same old my way or the highway philosophy as other major religions, it just puts an esoteric spin on the dogma.

During my New Age phase, I spent thousands of dollars to end up feeling worse about myself. The movement is rife with toxic positivity and victim blaming. New Ageism is poison for anyone with a history of trauma as well as for those living with chronic health issues.

New Age thinking postulates that people bring all their problems on themselves by sending out the wrong energy or not believing in themselves enough. This is just prosperity gospel repackaged. Prosperity gospel preaches that bad things happen to people who don't pray the right way or tithe enough of their earnings to their local megachurch, Joel Osteen, or whoever the latest shiny veneered grinning face of prosperity gospel may be.

I recommend following @JoelDongsteen on Twitter--excuse me, X. At least you'll get a good laugh during this lifetime, and the joviality you feel may even follow you into the afterlife.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Image by Oberholster Venita from Pixabay

Friday, April 21, 2023

Poetry Prompts and Inspiration April PAD Challenge and NaPoWriMo Day 21

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

https://www.napowrimo.net/day-twenty-one-8/

Today's prompt from NaPoWriMo asks participants to read Sarah Gambito’s poem “Grace," then choose a word from their list of abstract nouns to use as their poem's title. They also suggest including at least one invented word. I invented two words, because I'm an overachiever like that.

I chose one of the nouns for the title, then used all of them in my short, sharp, choppy poem about, you guessed it, anxiety. Because my anxiety has damn near done me in this month.

I opted to leave the April PAD Challenge prompt for another day because it asks participants to write a six-word poem. The NaPoWriMo list by itself contained more than six words.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Image by Kevin from Pixabay

https://odysee.com/@TerminalPassage:c/triumvirat-%E2%80%93-mediterranean-tales:c?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

I hope you enjoy this German prog rock from 1977. I also find it makes a great soundtrack for writing my epic novella about Captain Sammy's treasure.

Saturday, September 4, 2021

30 Days of Haiga 2021: Mountain Lake

Background image by Pietro di Grandi on Unsplash

Text art and effects by Ornery Owl (Cara Hartley)

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)

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Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Pooh Bear is My Hero: A Quadrille and Sort of a Sijo

Would you believe that I am trying to be more like Pooh?

That willy-nilly silly old bear is my real hero.

Because he’s good-natured even when he’s bothered.

Because he believes that things can get better even when they’re bad.

I love you, Pooh.

~cie~

Day 18: Write an Ekphrastic poem.

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2021-april-pad-challenge-day-18

The picture of Pooh at the top of the poem is a true work of art.

Day 19: Write a poem with an animal in the title.

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2021-april-pad-challenge-day-19

Pooh is a bear, and the word "bear" appears in the title.

Day 20: Write a love poem and/or an anti-love poem.

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2021-april-pad-challenge-day-20

I heart Pooh Bear.

Write a Quadrille (44-word poem) using some form of the word "bother."

https://dversepoets.com/2021/04/19/quadrille-126-come-bother-up-a-poem/

I did.

Day 18: Write a poem using the title of another poem or book chapter.

https://www.napowrimo.net/day-eighteen-7/

I didn't do this.

Day 19: Write a humorous rant.

https://www.napowrimo.net/day-nineteen-6/

A lot of things grind my gears, but I didn't write about them. I wrote about wanting to be more like Pooh, who has a healthier approach to being bothered than I do.

Day 20: Write a Sijo.

https://www.napowrimo.net/day-twenty-8/

A Sijo is a Korean poetry form. Like the haiku, it has three lines, but the lines are much longer. Typically, they are 14-16 syllables, and optimally each line will consist of two parts – like two sentences, or a sentence of two clauses divided by a comma. In terms of overall structure, a sijo functions like an abbreviated sonnet, in that the first line sets up an inquiry or discussion, the second line continues the discussion, and the third line resolves it with a “twist” or surprise.

Well...

All of my lines except for the last one have between 14 and 16 syllables. The lines don't have two parts and there are five lines. So, this is sort of a Sijo but probably not really.

This is something that's neither here nor there, and I never thought the day would come when I'd hear myself say it, but I kind of like getting up early. I was always a "crack of noon" person in my earlier life, which is why I tended to work night shifts. Maybe no longer being a slave to a time clock has something to do with it.

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

This work is the intellectual property of Naughty Netherworld Press/Poetry of the Netherworld.

Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.

Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.

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