Copyright: fergregory / 123RF Stock Photo
Death March
In the cool of the evening when everything is getting kinda groovy
(Who the hell am I kidding? Nothing has been groovy for a hell of a long time.)
A cool voice greets me on the telephone
(Like that's going to happen)
Asking me if I want to come out and chill with him
I say "What the hell, let me get my coat?"
(Honestly, I'd probably say "Nah, I'm going to take a nap.)
Some think of autumn as a time of death
The leaves die and turn brown
Certain plants die
Others go dormant
Some think of this change as sad
It doesn't trouble me
I haven't entirely changed my heathen ways
I used to turn to the worship of the old deities for comfort
This isn't devil worship, as the closed-minded believe
There's no devil involved
Satan is a construct of the religion I adhered to prior to this
They can have him
I left both these religions behind because of closed minds
Because of judgment
Because of a "my way or the highway" attitude
However, I still remember learning that autumn was not in fact a time of decay
It pleases me to keep this thought
Autumn is first the time of harvest
This is followed by renewal and rebirth
This is nothing bad or sad
We in modern times have structures which keep us from freezing
(Some of us do anyway)
We have refrigerators and pantries in which to store food
We don't have to fear as people did in older times
The change of seasons is not what makes me melancholy
The voice on the other end of the phone is the Grim Reaper
Honestly, death does not bother me so very much either
I'm tired of struggling
But I'm not so very fond of aging
I wouldn't care, except our society tells us that to age is to become ugly
I've never felt pretty, so now I really don't stand a chance
I don't like the change that age has brought to me
I don't mean the gray hair or a few lines--I could care less about that
(Oh yes, fuck you L'Oreal and Juvederm, and especially you, Botox)
I mean the lessening of my abilities
Which happen in spite of yoga or cardio workouts or strength training or any of that
The eyesight dims a little
The hearing becomes less acute
The body becomes stiffer
More vulnerable to disease
I don't like that much at all
I'm not quite ready to go on the final date
When I feel I've never really lived
I'm in the autumn of my life
Winter will be here all too quickly
Or not soon enough
Time goes by, with or without my permission
Welcome to the fall
~Helena~
Helena prefers free verse. Can you tell?
Something quite nice and descriptive about this piece.
ReplyDeleteGrim maybe but made me remember how I write such pieces lot more when my mind is at distress. And times I disliked autumn and winters.
Nice take.
Hope this is just a poem not state of your mind :)
It is, but whatever. I know when people say things of this nature they mean well, but don't understand that people like myself, who have lived with depression for our entire lives, would rather acknowledge and make peace with it to deny it or try and make it cease to exist, which only makes it stronger.
DeleteI ought to have said "than to try and deny it."
DeleteFor my own part, my poems always have my own truth in them. I don't see the point in writing them otherwise.
I too have suffered from depression in the past and have been dealing with it again since March due to a growth on my thyroid. I too honor my depression in poetry. Stay courageous in your expression Lady Whisper!
ReplyDeleteThyroid stuff sucks, though a growth sucks worse than my stupid zombie thyroid, and it does re-inforce depression. Sorry you're going through that.
DeleteI agree Helena, I don't see the point in writing if it doesn't help us.
ReplyDeleteI would like to share my hope though that there are better times to come. I have struggled with depression for most of my adult life. I'm still in the middle of a bout of it, but I must say that I have never felt better and more free and light than for the past year. There is hope.
XO
The one thing about bipolar disorder is that better times--or at least the perception thereof--always makes the circle. Unfortunately, with my current stress levels, the hypomania is often chased away before I really get to take advantage of it.
DeleteThanks for commenting.
I enjoyed this poem immensely! The conversational tone is perfect, and I can relate to so much of it. And I love the grim reaper image!
ReplyDeleteThat image is pretty cool. Our fearless team leader, Cie Cheesemeister found it. She has a subscription to 123RF. It's a real help.
Deletei like this very much, battle the clock as we will, the aging process will not be denied, and to be honest, it beats the alternative. ^_^
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if continuing to age always beats the alternative. As a long-term care nurse I see a lot of people that I think would frankly be better off if they checked out. I've always felt it depends on whether one's mind is still in working order and if one is not in too much pain or unable to take care of oneself. I really do not want to end up like some of the poor souls I see coming through our doors. That's the part that scares me.
DeleteAhh. Death is everywhere :)
ReplyDeleteYes it is. It expresses beautifully in the changing of the leaves. I always did like the change of seasons, although something about it is making me a bit glum this year. It rather surprises me, as I've actually never had much trouble with SAD in the fall and winter. I hope this is perhaps just bad timing and not some new, awful thing.
Delete"Time goes by, with or without my permission" yep. Getting old hurts but there are a few perks, too. Keep writing from your heart and life experiences - someone will always relate.
ReplyDelete"Tell 'em I'll be there!" I liked this, getting old is fun but not for most of the time. I think I gave up serious golf last month, my three & a half year old new knee joint has started to rebel. I have some symptoms also, black hairs are really scarce.
ReplyDeleteI'm almost back to wearing bib overalls so my pants will stay up, etc., etc.
Good write, Helena, on a not so good very often topic.
..
Death completes the cycle of life...I like your welcome to the fall....
ReplyDeleteI can see that a lot of thought went into this poem - the narrative voice is very authentic.
ReplyDeleteI love the humor and honest acknowledgement in this piece!
ReplyDelete