Death March
In the cool of the evening when everything is getting kinda groovy
(Who the hell am I kidding? Nothing has been groovy for a hell of a long time.)
A cool voice greets me on the telephone
(Like that's going to happen)
Asking me if I want to come out and chill with him
I say "What the hell, let me get my coat?"
(Honestly, I'd probably say "Nah, I'm going to take a nap.)
Some think of autumn as a time of death
The leaves die and turn brown
Certain plants die
Others go dormant
Some think of this change as sad
It doesn't trouble me
I haven't entirely changed my heathen ways
I used to turn to the worship of the old deities for comfort
This isn't devil worship, as the closed-minded believe
There's no devil involved
Satan is a construct of the religion I adhered to prior to this
They can have him
I left both these religions behind because of closed minds
Because of judgment
Because of a "my way or the highway" attitude
However, I still remember learning that autumn was not in fact a time of decay
It pleases me to keep this thought
Autumn is first the time of harvest
This is followed by renewal and rebirth
This is nothing bad or sad
We in modern times have structures which keep us from freezing
(Some of us do anyway)
We have refrigerators and pantries in which to store food
We don't have to fear as people did in older times
The change of seasons is not what makes me melancholy
The voice on the other end of the phone is the Grim Reaper
Honestly, death does not bother me so very much either
I'm tired of struggling
But I'm not so very fond of aging
I wouldn't care, except our society tells us that to age is to become ugly
I've never felt pretty, so now I really don't stand a chance
I don't like the change that age has brought to me
I don't mean the gray hair or a few lines--I could care less about that
(Oh yes, fuck you L'Oreal and Juvederm, and especially you, Botox)
I mean the lessening of my abilities
Which happen in spite of yoga or cardio workouts or strength training or any of that
The eyesight dims a little
The hearing becomes less acute
The body becomes stiffer
More vulnerable to disease
I don't like that much at all
I'm not quite ready to go on the final date
When I feel I've never really lived
I'm in the autumn of my life
Winter will be here all too quickly
Or not soon enough
Time goes by, with or without my permission
Welcome to the fall
~Helena~
Helena prefers free verse. Can you tell?
