Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

November PAD Chapbook Challenge 2019: Day 4: Night Owl

Image by Sarah Richter from Pixabay

Night owl
working all night long
night after night
far into the wee hours of the night
burning the midnight oil
burning the candle at both ends
never getting ten winks
let alone forty
night after night
going in for a night's work
running on fumes
an hour or two of sleep
"I'll sleep when I'm dead," she said
but then in the dead of night
at the witching hour
as she was walking her rounds
she saw a thing that wasn't right
any time of the day or night
the night owl that needed to call it a day
looking into the face of something
that wasn't really there
or was it?
She supposed she didn't really want to know.

~Cie~

Notes:
The prompt for the fourth day of the November PAD Chapbook Challenge was Night _____.
I wasn't sure what to write, and then I found that picture.
I worked as the night emergency contact person in a retirement community for close to ten of the eleven years that I was employed by the community. I was well-suited to night shifts because I don't sleep well at night. Then again, the whole bipolar disorder/add thing ensures that I don't sleep well at all a lot of the time. Also, working night shift jacks up a person's circadian rhythms. Plus, I had obligations during the day. Sometimes I'd work several nights in a row sleeping only an hour or two before coming back to work.
If I did this for long enough, I would start hallucinating. It was harmless things, like seeing a penguin in the hall or a seagull flying through the building. Were these things imagined, or was I looking into another world? I don't really know, but I do know that it was an indication that I really needed to sleep.

Monday, April 8, 2019

NaPoWriMo 2019: Day 8: Just Another Day

Image by GraphicMama-team from Pixabay

Pull up to the curb
The customer is waiting
"Here's your food," I say

~Cie~


Note:
I don't think it gets more bare-bones than this.
And now this is a Haibun.

Monday, October 23, 2017

OctPoWriMo 2017: Day 22: Empty Road


Empty Road

Passion
Ain't gonna happen
Bliss
What is this?
On a journey without a compass
Or too many compasses
And clocks
Depending on one's perspective
The long and winding road
Is a crooked path
Rolling on
To the bitter end
I'm ready for nothing

~Cie~


Note:
I'm afraid the idea of "following my bliss" seems absolutely ludicrous to me. 
When I'm unsure if I'll have adequate food for the week or if my body will allow me to keep working or if my car will keep working so I can do my job or if the space heaters will be enough to handle another winter in my home where I don't have a working furnace or shower and I know the pipes are going to freeze like they do every year, the concept of "bliss" seems a lot like buying outlandishly expensive champagne when I don't even like champagne.
Fuck "bliss." I'll settle for simply not being worked into the ground and having nothing to show for it.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

The Cheese Grates It + OctPoWriMo 2017: Day 15: Filthy Rich


A collage of images from the video "20 most annoying spoiled rich kids on Snapchat." https://youtu.be/-IqNMU6VOPg

Filthy Rich

Sometimes when I make a delivery
To someone who lives in the kind of home
That I can't even afford to look at
And will surely never live in
I feel a little sick

Some say it's the fault of the working class
That we aren't able to live in homes like that
They believe they are actually superior
They say things like
You don't expect me to live like people
Who make $25,000 a year
Do you?

As I bring their snacks to the door
Sometimes up a long flight of steps
My knees and ankles ache
The party music pounding
I wait for the rich little shit
Who inevitably ordered the grub

He smiles smugly as he looks down his nose
Says "How ARE you" with a smirk
Either knowing full well that I know he doesn't give a fuck
Or thinking I'm too stupid to realize
He thinks of me as dog shit on his shoe

I smile as if I didn't hate his kind
With the virulent passion of explosive diarrhea
The best that I can hope
Is that he's not a total waste of oxygen
That there's a soul somewhere behind the veneer

He takes his snacks inside and slams the door
No tip forthcoming for the contract worker
Who can't afford health insurance
Whose Medicaid got pulled when she found this job
Because she now makes the queenly sum
Of $2000 a month

I limp back to the car on legs well abused
By working many years of physical jobs
Legs which don't work quite right because of repeated back injuries
And arthritis forming in the joints
The snob thinks that those like me deserve our fate
After all, we've chosen to be down and out

I feel sick to my stomach
Not just because I'll never be able
To afford a place like his
But also because, even with as much as I'm struggling
There are those worse off than me
Still, I'd like to vomit on his lawn

As much as I may envy
The things that those like him are able to have
The thought of not having to worry about money
I don't envy their kind at all
I don't want to be like them

I'd never want to be the sort
Who thinks that I'm so much better
Then the person who's made my life a little easier
By bringing me the things I can afford to buy
And have delivered on a whim

Yet having so little class
That I couldn't even be bothered
To give them a few dollars
To buy a little lunch

I often feel quite nauseous
When forced to be in the presence
Of the classless, filthy rich

~The Cheese Hath Grated It Poetically~


Note:
I deliver groceries for a living, not only to rich neighborhoods. Some of the neighborhoods I deliver to make me hope that I get out of there without being mugged. I don't look down on the people living there. I might have ended up in one of these places easily enough. As it happens, I ended up in a run-down mobile home without a working furnace or shower in a reasonably quiet suburban area with a seedy underbelly. None of my direct neighbors are cooking meth, but several meth labs have been broken up in places close by.
I am a 1099-R contractor. This means that I don't get any benefits from my employer. I also do my own accounting. If you're self-employed and don't already have an accountant or use Quickbooks Self-Employed, you may thank me for the link I'm about to give you which will save you some money when you sign up for Quickbooks Self-Employed. http://fbuy.me/fFN2W 
My first three months cost me $10 each. I now pay $18 per month, and it's well worth it. Life would be an even bigger mess without it.
I honestly did not write this poem as an advertisement for Quickbooks Self-Employed. It is a very real reflection of my life.
My legs hurt all the time. There are days when I get severe calf cramps that literally leave me writhing and screaming. I am not sure how long I'll be able to continue doing this kind of work.
I literally can't afford health insurance.
I am still catching up on back bills from the four months when I was underemployed. I don't know if I'll ever catch up.
I am diabetic, and there are days when I can't afford to eat. Not that anyone should ever have to go a day without eating, but being diabetic makes it extra special. I make "too much money" to qualify for food benefits. A great deal of what I make goes into car maintenance and fuel. Yes, I can "write it off," but that isn't as big of a deal as it sounds like.
My job does have certain advantages which are a big deal. I make my own schedule every week. I don't have to work the typical five days a week nine to five schedule, which is a schedule that causes me to fall into a literal depression. I don't do well with five-day weeks, I don't do well with early shifts, and I don't do well with jobs where there's a boss standing over me for the whole shift.
I can't do health care work anymore because of my diabetes. I got fired from the homecare job I was doing earlier this year because I fell asleep during the shift. I literally thought I'd had a TIA because that was how deep the sleep I'd fallen into was. I still don't remember it happening, I only remember the outcome. It devastated my life, and I still haven't recovered financially or emotionally. I often feel like a failure because of this incident.
I live with not only debilitating physical illness but catastrophic mental illness: type 2 bipolar disorder, plus obsessive-compulsive disorder with hoarding features (believe me, that one's a struggle to fight with. The hoarding involves items, not animals.) and borderline personality disorder. To my credit, I have learned to cope fairly well with this trifecta of shit. There are certain things that my fucked-up circadian rhythms still won't let me do, like working the early shifts that people get pats on the back for. When people find out that I work late shifts preferentially, they always look at me like I'm going to give them some sort of disease if I touch them. Yet our 24-7 society would collapse if no-one were willing to work those Weirdo Shifts.
I'm not expecting a medal for any of my struggles. However, being treated with a modicum of common decency would be nice.
If you're one of those people who thinks that the company your delivery driver is working for pays them such a fine sum that you don't have to give them a tip, think twice. Fedex and UPS pay actual salaries with benefits and their drivers don't take tips. 
The person who delivers items such as food and groceries is making a base wage of around $5 per hour. In the case of my company, I then make $1 for every delivery within a five-mile radius and $3 for every delivery outside the five-mile radius. As I mentioned previously, I make no benefits. The work is physically demanding, and we are often working short of help. 
Even a modest ten percent tip really helps.
I try not to feel bitter when people don't tip, but I can't help it when they could obviously afford to but think they're too good to do so.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~







Thursday, October 12, 2017

The Cheese Grates It + 30 Days of Haiga 2017: Day 29: Desert of Dreams

Click to Enlarge
Original background image copyright Devesh V. Tripathi
Verse and text manipulation by The Real Cie

Thoughts:
The image and the prompt made me think of all the things I planned to do in life, most of which fell through due to fighting with a very misunderstood disease, the prescription for which was pills that made me feel even worse and the edict that I should "just stop that stinkin' thinkin' and be happy for what I have." 
While western society has a somewhat better understanding of mental illness than it did when I was younger, the treatment of both mental and physical illnesses in many countries, including first world countries such as the United States is out of reach for many citizens.
I do not respond well to medications or to this particular aspect of me being treated in a completely clinical fashion. I have often felt that I, as a person, have been ignored in favor of seeking textbook symptoms and outcomes. One of my son's EMS instructors wisely said: "treat the patient, not the chart." This is something that practitioners treating both body and mind all too often fail to do.
I would have done well to learn skills to cope with my particular mental presentation, rather than having wrestled for so many years with failed attempts to turn me into something I am not: a happy robot, gleeful to take my Soma and take on my prescribed role as a cog in the machine.
At this point in my life, I am no longer devastated by not being famous or adored, but I am awfully tired and a bit sad at the way some things have turned out. I try not to feel like a failure. I deliver groceries rather than speeches on the Red Carpet (or what have you) as I accept an award for my wonderful performance or book. 
Delivering groceries while clad in modest attire does not make me any less worthwhile than those delivering acceptance speeches for their grand performances while clad in glamorous gowns or sleek suits. However, I am tired and I ache and I am sad to see so many people I have known both in real life and through their work which inspired me becoming ill and dying. I would like to stop working for a living and start simply living. 
This isn't likely to happen anytime soon, and I fear that what happened to my father will happen to me. Less than a week after taking full retirement, my father had a hemorrhagic stroke which forever altered his life and the lives of his immediate family. He went through six years of decline, including more strokes and congestive heart failure. In the end, he was like a frightened child trapped in an adult body.
I don't want that to be my fate. But I fear a similar fate awaits the majority of us who live in a society which sees people as flesh androids rather than souls operating through corporeal vehicles.
The most humble of us and zir dreams is equal in importance to the most celebrated among us. Perhaps it is time to celebrate the most humble members of society and give weight to their hopes and dreams.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~




Monday, September 18, 2017

30 Days of Haiga 2017: Day 11: End of Story


Background Image Copyright: tomertu / 123RF Stock Photo
Text manipulation by The Real Cie


Notes:
Without going into too much detail, which would detract from the viewing of the image, I have had a difficult year. I have changed jobs six times and eventually ended up changing careers entirely. 
There are aspects of my current job which I really appreciate, but it is not an easy job and I do not make as much money as I did in my previous profession, which there are several reasons I can't go back to, the biggest one being changes in my diabetes which lead to fatigue and weakness if I don't pace myself.
I feel like I have lost the things that made me who I am: my imagination and my ability to enter other worlds astrally and psychically. My heart is heavy and I feel broken. I feel that I am constantly being punished and that there is no need for external hells when all the hell I need is here in the loss of that which made me who I am.

Cross-posted to:

Sunday, April 23, 2017

NaPoWriMo 2017: Day 23: Cie's Elevenie

A picture of my eye taken by me last year. A shadow caused my forehead to look rather odd and inhuman. I had a field day with this in Photoshop.

Me
Useless thing
On son's couch
Slept there last night
Ugh

~Cie~


Note:
Falling asleep in my clothes always makes me feel particularly wretched.
I'm a home health nurse who isn't working my regular job at the moment because my patient will be in ICU for a few days. This means I'm not making an income. I need to try to get my auxiliary car working tomorrow and maybe drive for Uber Eats for a few hours to pick up a little money to tide me over until my patient comes home or the agency can find me a fill-in case. I feel kind of gross and like an extra appendage at the moment, and the poem popped into my head to reflect that.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Thank you!

The Real Cie here, just dropping by to thank all of you for your comments. One of us will try to be around to visit your blogs.
I personally am working 60 hour weeks, so I apologize for being a terrible hostess!

~Cie~

Saturday, October 3, 2015

OctPoWriMo 2015: Day 3: Time Suck


Time Suck

I begin to feel
Like I'm not even real
Because I have so many obligations 
Obligations that exhaust me
Obligations that consume me
Obligations that doom me
Or at least gloom me

As the water drains around me
As the weariness surrounds me
I feel my life begin to flow
From a wound that seems to grow
As I attract more and more
Time vampires with insatiable needs
Which only I can feed

What happened to my dreams?
My hopeful, youthful schemes
More and more of them fade away
With every passing day
I watch them wash down the drain
As I wonder how I even remain

How did I get here
And can it end any way
Besides being carried out feet first
Bled to death by too many obligations
Too little money
And too many time vampires
Who want to consume every minute of mine

~Cie~



Notes:
The suggestion from OctPoWriMo was to create a shape poem using the word and sentence prompts. Well, this is the shape of chaos!
Actually, I didn't create a shape poem at all. I didn't even see that part of the prompt or I probably would have driven myself crazy trying to create a shape poem to satisfy the OCD part of my psyche. I literally have OCD, I'm not making a joke at the expense of those who live with the condition. As a person living with the condition, however, I reserve the right to joke about my particular manifestation thereof.
I've been extremely sleep deprived this week. This poem is an expression of that, as well as an expression of the frustration of never having enough money. I make 41,000 dollars a year, which may sound adequate, but it's not. I'm always having to fall behind on one thing to catch up on another. 
I have a very high interest rate mortgage plus lot rent. Here is a warning never to buy a new mobile home. If you are going to buy a mobile home, buy an older one and pay for it all at once. Never get a mortgage on a mobile home. If I had known now what I know then...well, I might have had to do it anyway. I was in a bad situation and needed to get out, and my credit wasn't good enough to qualify for a loan on anything but a mobile home.
I have two old cars that I have to keep running. I have student loans that I'm still paying off from nursing school to get my LPN license. I'm still in school to try and get my RN license, but costs for testing are prohibitive. I just finished paying off a bunch of medical bills and finally caught up on my utility bill. Then there's groceries and gas. It never ends.
I have a very intelligent son who is on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. He is 25 years old and has never been able to get a job or finish his bachelor's degree because of depression and anxiety issues. I believe in him, and I believe one day he will triumph. My mother, however, constantly lectures and berates him, and I end up caught in the middle. My relationship with my son is good. My relationship with my mother is strained. My son can't stand my mother. My mother demands to know why my son isn't better yet when he's been in counseling for so long. And on and on it goes.
I was so sleep deprived this past week that I had a couple of what might be described as minor psychotic episodes, where I woke up doing bizarre things that made sense to me when I woke up but later had no explanation at all. I didn't sleepwalk, which I sometimes do when I'm very tired. I was still in bed, but engaged in strange actions, i.e. trying to pick the wall apart or tear the covers apart or picking at my skin. These sorts of things only happen when I'm severely sleep deprived, and they scare me.
Through all this, in spite of the fact that my mother thinks that my creative pursuits are foolish and the fact that I long ago realized that I would never be a success in the arts, I continue creating or at least being involved in creative efforts by supporting others. I will not give this up. It will be part of this entire lifetime, and I intend for it to continue to be part of any subsequent lives. It is who I am, and I will not allow anyone to take that from me.

~Cie~ 

Monday, April 6, 2015

Aubade for the Night Shift Worker


Aubade for the Night Shift Worker

Morning has broken, and it’s time to leave thee, oh Work
The sun is shining and all I want to do is crawl into my tomb
I can’t call what we have love
But it’s sure as hell a long-term relationship
Another 20 years and I can finally call it quits
I’m gonna leave you

~Helena~




Sunday, November 30, 2014

Spectrum


 
 
Spectrum
 
In poetry I am able
To cryptically reveal the splendor
That hides beneath my secular skin
 
At first gaze I seem a plain person
With no higher ambition
Than to harvest what meager fruits I can
 
When I'm old and my back is bent
From toiling at physically difficult jobs
And the death rattle takes my last breath
 
When what little family I have is gathering
And the breeze builds and blows away
The scattered ashes of my body
 
These words will remain
For those who like puzzles
To try and decipher
 
The truth about a plain person
Who was more than she appeared to be
 
~Cie~
 
 
http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/2014/11/30/wordle-189/




Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

Monday, April 7, 2014

F is for Florette

 First my poem, then an explanation and a sample.

Night Shift

People think I'm crazy to work
Night shift, as if only a jerk
Would work at this time on the clock
I wonder why it causes shock that nights I work

I don't sleep well in the nighttime
Why is this considered a crime?
Somebody must work late at night
Why is it that others do slight the nighttime chime?

~Cie~

Likely not the best poem I ever wrote, but it does have a certain je ne sais quoi.

Florette

The Florette, created by Jan Turner, consists of two or more 4-line stanzas.

Rhyme scheme: a,a,b,a
Meter: 8,8,8,12
Fourth line requirement of internal (b) rhyme scheme, on syllable 8.

Like the outgrowing of a small flower, the forth line of each stanza is longer, and enwraps the previous lines. Line #4 requires an internal rhyme scheme that rhymes the eighth syllable with the end of line #3, and continues to add on four more syllables than the other lines so that the fourth line ends rhyming with lines #1 and #2.

Example:

The Healing (For Emily)

Perhaps you’d say she slept away
another long hot summer day,
but she’s been fiercely knitting bones...
so silence all your undertones that would dismay!

It might appear she’s been undone
but she could still give you a run!
You say she gives impassive stare
but you are simply unaware that she has won.

You cannot judge her anyhow...
just see that sweat upon her brow
as silently she treads along
the path that comes with winter’s song; she can avow.

Her courage you can’t contemplate.
You say it’s simply just her fate
that’s kept her there, in reverie:
incognizant of bravery, you understate.

Copyright © 2009 Jan Turner



Monday, April 1, 2013

A is for Acrostic


An Acrostic poem is a poem in which each line begins with a letter of a given word or words.

Here is my effort, summing up how I feel of late; how I've felt for a long time, if the truth were to be told.

Working For a Less Than Living
 ******
Tired, so tired, of working each week
Only to have it all gone in a flash
Industrious me, and yet what is it worth?
Lost to the tax man, the holder of the inflated mortgage, the high cost of living

Lies I tell myself to get through the week
About someday getting to the top
Belief is gone, yet I fool myself
Only to turn around and do it all over again
Reaching for a dream I can never achieve

Dreams are for the young and the foolish
Reason is too dismal to contemplate
Unless miracles happen, and they usually don't
Death is the only way out
Gainful employment is an oxymoron
Eventually we all must pay the piper

~Faith~