His Holiness Tuns Tumuch, Oracle of Yopsog and Avatar of Hansab
Most otward doctrine of Xodbyz!
Not much time have I
To impart to you the xelth of qoc
Grab thou the nvoy
The qoc of zoz has been lasled
by the taiq presence of the humustrous Young
Truly his splunge-negating nefarity
Is a threat to the bepig of all Vogon eminate
I, your Oracle, have unto the Grimoire of Yopsog
turned
Of this Earthly Young monstrism it bespake
Dispatched forthwith must be the Splunge Negator
Or we shall suffer the consequences
Most splungelessly
Neglect the Oycog of Knoq at your peril!
Tuns Tumuch
High Oracle of Yopsog and Avatar of Hansab
Notes:
In spite of the fact that he was made a hero of the Vogon Empire for saving the Vogon Flagship from the Rainbow Connection Pirates during the 2014 VILE Awards, some Vogons really don't like Malcolm Young. Tuns Tumuch is one of these Vogons.
After said bestowing of hero status, Tuns kidnapped Malcolm, immobilized him in the web of the ship's Soul Stripper Spider, and proceeded to attempt to force 666 hours of poetry from the Grimoire of Yopsog into the unfortunate musician's auditory receptors.
Fortunately, Malcolm was rescued within three hours of his imprisonment. Unfortunately, although the spectral vestiges of his small intestine attempted to strangle the spectral vestiges of his brain to stop his having to absorb such an atrocity, spectral creatures do not, in fact, possess small intestines or physical brains, and so forced to listen he was.
Hello everyone! I thought some of you might get a laugh off this turly offering of Vogon poetry. The VILE (Vogon Intergalactic Lyrical Establishment) Awards are in full swing over at the Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine. This chap is one of their people's finest poets.
I also wanted to inform everyone that we are working to reply to all your lovely comments! We're a bit behind. We're currently working on the sixth day of OctPoWriMo. I assure you that we have no intent of ignoring you, and one of us will be by to say hello.
Now, if only I could get the Doctor to show up in his TARDIS, I could get caught up yesterday!
~Helena~
Celebrated Vogon poet Zephfrous Lobotomay
VILE Awards 2015:
Steaming Piles of Poetry
by
Filthy Fred
THIS IS A SANITY-SCARRING MULTIVERSE MASHUP, NETHERWORLD STYLE
"Fellow Vogons and fnoq guests, it is time for our illustrious poetry showcase!" harrumphed Judge Ugry Surly. "Fortunately, our cufly reading does not appear to be sullied by the presence of any member of the lurak Young family. I despise them with every fiber of my ejnut. They make me want to upchuck my eory. In any case, we have with us our esteemed poet laureate Zephfrous Lobotomay to read for you his steamy sonnet, Hot Ruven. Join us now for some Astronomical Sizzle that will excite even the most muted of hiljwe."
Zephfrous Lobotomay approached the platform, cleared his throat, and spoke.
1. He turned me over and englobe afar.
2. He grabs one lira and I aglow aware.
3. She Apso cowed cautiously.
4. Now I am going to cow the sulfa oxide you.
5. I will take you by your boys now.
6. I slipped my hand under soil and his/her woods spasms.
7. In the shower she let me nosh her bow.
8. She grabbed his cow, and yanked and pulled until he
vow now.
I'm not sure about anyone else, but my Hiljwe was still pretty muted after hearing that. Also, I get the distinct feeling that Judge Surly is not in the pro Young brothers camp. I overheard him saying something about wanting to remove their qutubs and feed them to ghiks. Maybe I'm misinterpreting things somehow, but to me that doesn't sound like he's exactly feeling the Young Zeal.
Filthy Fred
for
Rattling Bones Undead Musician Magazine
a division of
FOGNL/UNDEAD Entertainment
The feelings of the Vogon Empire are mixed regarding these fellows
"Angus Young can be compared to the need for a subcutaneous injection of pix when one is experiencing the pax pox. He is a threat to the Splunge, doubly so when paired with his brother, whom I consider comparable to the bad taste left in one's mouth when licking the adhesive on uflon envelopes. It is an acceptable tradeoff for knowing that one's important paper documents are sealed in the most jiq envelopes in the Universe. However, in spite of his particular btab qualities and the threat he poses to the Splunge, Malcolm Young is indeed a hero of the Vogon Empire, and if we are to honor his contributions, we must accept the fact that his autonomously functioning conjoined soul twin cannot be far behind."
Other citizens of the Vogon Empire feel that regardless of the fact that Malcolm saved the Vogon Empire's flagship with his quick thinking and sharp wit, he is too great a threat to the mysterious and inexplicable quality of Splunge to be allowed aboard said flagship again, and becomes infinitely more of a threat when his brother is present. Besides, as Tuns Tumuch said after capturing Malcolm in a Soul Stripper spider web last year and forcing him to listen to multiple verses from the Grimoire of Yopsog, the sentiment of certain vogons regarding said accidental hero is "I just don't like you."
We are left with the question of whether the nefarious plot of Judge Ugry Surly and the anti-Young faction will succeed in eradicating the ingenuous musical pair to the farthest reaches of the time-space continuum, or if the "hideously adorable in their own iqueous way" duo will find a way to negate the unsavory plot of General Mondegreen should they cross paths with him. It remains to be seen!
Personally, I'm rooting for the hideously adorable twosome. As my pal Kizz Myass says "I loike dose wee dudes. They're totally deadly."
Hi! I'm Oxy Moron, famous Netherworld jester. Today's prompt inspired 2014 VILE Award Winners Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea to ask me to help them write this ode to Axe Man for the good time he showed them in honor of their win.
I was so proud of our work that I decided to ask some of the Netherworld's most respected musicians what they thought. Here are their reactions.
Ugh! I should know better than to ask that crabby curmudgeon anything. Let's see what his band mate thinks.
I'm not quite sure how to interpret that. Did he like it, or is he plotting my demise? Let's see what Malcolm's brother thinks.
Well, um...he kind of got back to the spirit of the original song. I guess that was his intent. Or something. You never know with these guys.
For the Daring:
Here are the original lyrics
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty
Big, big booty, what you
(Ain't that a freak)
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty (My baby, uh)
You're gorgeous
I mean you're fine
You're sexy
But most of all
You are just absolutely booty-full
Have you seen her
On the dance floor
She got the boom, shake the room
That's the lightning and the thunder
You wanna meet her
You wanna touch her
See the light in her eyes
And it starts to make you wonder
All the sexy girls in the party
Go and grab a man, bring him to the dance floor
Go on let them jeans touch you while you're dancing
It's his birthday, give him what he ask for
(Let me show you how to do it)
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty (work)
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty (shake that)
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty (go work)
Big, big booty, what you
The way she moves
I know you want her
She light the fire, get you right
That's the lightning and the thunder
You wanna meet her
You gotta touch her
Hold on tight for the ride
'Cause you know you wanna love her
All the sexy girls in the party
Go and grab a man, bring him to the dance floor
Go on let them jeans touch you while you're dancing
It's his birthday, give him what he ask for
(Let me show you how to do it)
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty (work)
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty (shake that)
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty (go work)
Big, big booty, what you a big booty
Booty, booty, booty, booty, booty everywhere
Look at her booty, stop, stare
They love that booty, hell yeah
The way she twerk it, not fair
She got a booty, that'll swallow a thong
And if you do it better do it dirty all night long
Booty, toot it, boot it, you know the plan
So much booty, she could supply the demand
I wanna take that big 'ol booty shopping at the mall
I wanna pick it up and put that booty in my car
Baby your booty is a movie star
Oscar award winner of them all, now give me that
Mesmerized by the size of it
You can fight it if you like take your time
I can guarantee you'll have the time of your life
Throw up your hands if you love a big booty
Big big big big big big booty, what you
Big big big big big big booty, what you
Big big big big big big, big big big
(Let me show you how to do it)
(Work)
(Shake that)
(Go to work)
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty
Big, big booty, what you got a big booty (shake that)
For the truly daring or otherwise masochistic:
Here is the video
The Prompt:
Our prompt today (optional, as always), will hopefully provide you with a bit of Friday fun. Today, I challenge you to write a parody or satire based on a famous poem. It can be long or short, rhymed or not. But take a favorite (or unfavorite) poem of the past, and see if you can’t re-write it on humorous, mocking, or sharp-witted lines. You can use your poem to make fun of the original (in the vein of a parody), or turn the form and manner of the original into a vehicle for making points about something else (more of a satire – though the dividing lines get rather confused and thin at times).
Random Words (with Random Word Association) With The Cheese
Otherwise Known as Utter Nonsense
Finger!
(Oh boy, we're starting off with a loaded one!)
Value Crown
(When you live in Butt Town, you've got to get down)
Cellar court froth
(Quit complaining and drink your broth)
Coin priest ant lawyer
(Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer)
Lay-by lamp barrel grafitti mask
(Sounds like the Genie's off on a toot again)
Pilot goal flight surgeon cork lido
(He's enjoying an in-flight wine tasting with Boz Skaggs, a World Cup winning goalie, and a surgeon with iffy credentials)
Verse mud bundle fever toes ladder CD
(These verses are getting more and more ridiculous, particularly as I am now hanging by my toes from a ladder trying with fevered fervor to reach a bundle of CD's)
Verse bowl China cliff fact baboon desk shooting
(Writing verses while hanging over a cliff in China, I am confronted by a fact-checking baboon, who angrily throws my desk over the edge and then starts shooting)
