Flashing Back and Forth: Wisteria & A Birthday

Image copyright Vũ Đỗ

https://pixabay.com/photos/chinese-wisteria-bee-insect-flower-5112048/#_=_

In the moonlight,

The color and scent of the wisteria

Seems far away.

As far away I think as

My sense of belonging here

Buson & Cie

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http://chevrefeuillescarpediem.blogspot.com/2019/05/carpe-diem-1660-tan-renga-challenge.html

New Notes:

This will be a long post, so if you only came for the poetry, this is your stop!

Today is my son's thirtieth birthday. It is also Friday Flashback day. So I am leaving the notes from last year when I wrote the post.

Last year at this time, my son, his dad, and I were in the process of trying to get things in order to purchase the property that my son says is his literal dream house. I often say that I'm a pretty useless excuse for a person and pretty much a waste of oxygen and skin cells, but I am the one who found the house, so I have done two good things in this life. I brought my son into the world, which he sometimes may not think is such a great thing as it has been a bit of an uphill fight for him given that he lives with anxiety, high-functioning autism, and major depression in a society that demands a very rigid degree of impossible perfection and an ability to play by certain rigid rules.

This is the house, and you can well believe that I nearly peed myself when I saw that this property was being sold for $90,000. We had just finished looking at a very "meh" three-bedroom townhome in southeast Denver that cost $240,000 and kicking the worst real estate agent ever to the curb. Thanks for sucking, Matt. You did us a huge favor.

If you're interested in seeing just what this clown did, you can read this post.

https://www.ciethehuntress.com/2019/04/crap-not-to-do-as-real-estate-agent.html

I'd like to thank Xenia, the real estate agent we had prior to Matt, for sucking too. Rather than being a professional and telling us that she wasn't the right real estate agent for us, she did the bad high school break-up thing, hung up on me, and refused to return my calls. It was very unprofessional. Note that we didn't do anything wrong to her, we were always polite. We were looking for land, and she only wanted to sell upscale properties in Denver. Also, note that she approached us first, touting her abilities as a real estate agent. 

We instead ended up with Jason Wadsworth, who is a fantastic real estate agent. If you are ever interested in buying a property in Northern Colorado, Jason is your go-to guy. He can be reached at jwadsworth@remax.net

I am glad that my son's dream house is now a reality. There has been a lot of work done on it, and more still needs to be done. We are also still tackling the nightmare that is my old mobile home and hope to have it on the market this summer. I will be extremely happy when it's gone.

I couldn't end this post without giving a shout-out to Ghost Town Grover and Cactus Clem. I hope to be giving more attention to their adventures once the whole trailer mess has been wrangled.

Ghost Town Grover

https://pixabay.com/vectors/man-hat-bearded-cowboy-male-311670/

Cactus Clem

https://pixabay.com/vectors/cactus-character-man-western-154386/

Ye Olde Notes:

The Hokku (Haiku) stanza of the poem was written by Yosa Buson (1716 - 1784). The Akegu (closing) stanza was written by me.

I have never felt that I belonged in this world. When I was younger, I always hoped I'd find people I belonged with. There have been a few where I feel like they put up with me to a degree or felt sympathy for me, but I have never had a sense of finding my "tribe." The only person I'm really at all close with is my son. I tend to form only very superficial relationships with other people.

Dinners with my mother are perilous and fraught with small talk. She has never approved of any of my choices, and she knows almost nothing about what is really transpiring in my life.

I am not at all close with the other members of my family. I would not recognize most of them if I passed them in the street.

At this point in my life, I do not wish to party and socialize. I have one friend whom I confide in via email, and that means a lot. This friend lives a few thousand miles away from me, so it isn't as if we could get together for coffee.

I have felt a degree of understanding and acceptance from the people participating in this little Tan Renga challenge, which I usually don't get a sense of during such challenges.

I usually feel as if I am an outsider who has crashed a party when participating in blog hops, and the general sense is "what is that freak doing here at our exclusive soiree?" Some of the blog hops I participate in are very focused on clothing and fashion although other sorts of posts are allowed, and if you don't think I'm an absolute outlier when it comes to fashion, you don't know me at all. I can't afford nice clothes or even new clothes, and I look like an unmade bed most of the time.

One would think that I would feel more at home with creative blog hops, but I usually don't. I've been surprised by the feeling of peace I've gained participating in this one. Maybe it's just that no-one has attacked me yet. Hopefully, we can do without that happening this time.

The Inevitable Legalese and Other Blah-Blah

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Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday: White Chrysanthemum

White chrysanthemum

I look holding it straight

no dust at all

nothing can remain unchanged

all will become dust in time

~Basho & cie~

notes

The Hokku was written by Matsuo Basho (1644 - 1694). The Ageku was created by me.

Tan Renga Wednesday on Saturday: Cherry Trees in Full Bloom

Image source

springtime is coming

hope to put the longer days

to practical use

shadows become longer

cherry tree in full bloom grows

~Chèvrefeuille & cie~

notes

Once my son and I are done clearing out that blasted mobile home (the one where I lived for 18 years and he lived for close to ten) we will finally be able to concentrate on what we want to do with our new home. I would like to plant a few dwarf fruit trees. I've always loved cherries, both as a fruit and a plant. I try to keep looking to the future, to have aspirations but also keep in mind the need for practicality due to my health issues.

The Ageku of this Renga is © Chèvrefeuille. The Hokku was written by me.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday: Wisteria Beans

Image by M W from Pixabay

wisteria beans

let's make that a theme for haikai

a flower fruit 

© Basho (Tr. Jane Reichhold)

the pods hang down like earrings

admire, but don't ever eat

~cie~

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday: Winter Chrysanthemum

Image by Marjon Besteman-Horn from Pixabay

Winter chrysanthemum,

Wearing nothing

but its own light

I wear a sweatshirt for warmth

and think about my garden

~Mizuhara Shūōshi & cie~

notes

The Hokku is © Mizuhara Shūōshi (1892-1981). The Ageku was written by yours truly.

Tan Renga Wednesday on Friday: Last Leaf

Image Source

a last leaf

swirls on the wind towards the east -

first snow falls gently

the falling snow is pleasant

the icy roads are not so

~Chèvrefeuille & cie~

notes

The Hokku stanza was written by Chevrefeuille. The Ageku was created by me. I do like the snow, but I hate driving on icy roads. I've had a couple incidents when doing so which left me with a bit of PTSD. I tend to tense up when I have to drive on icy roads, which makes doing so a bad idea.

I will try to catch up with the poems over the next few days. I was working on a short story for blog.reedsy.com. If you are looking for a short story contest with no entry fee, they have a weekly contest here. Go to the apps section of the page and choose "story prompt."

Also, if you're looking for help with editing or publishing your book, you can look at what Reedsy has to offer here. Using that link will get you $25 credit on any of Reedsy's services.

I believe I may have had another TIA. There always tends to be a cognitive shift when one of these happens. It's hard to explain. It isn't as if I'm having short term memory issues (well, no worse than I ever did). It's simply that the WAY I think changes. At this point, I find myself needing to be a little more measured in my output. I get tired very easily. It's frustrating because although I've never been a Type A personality by any means, I've always been very productive.

I know that I'm vulnerable to vascular problems because of my diabetes. Well, I'm perfectly happy to keep my blood sugars in check, which I can do if I have, you know, ADEQUATE INSULIN! Which my health care provider and Medicaid seem to be conspiring not to provide me. Going without insulin for weeks at a time is, I don't know, a bad thing when you're diabetic. 

The elite devils in charge of things don't care about that, though. They want the poor and the handicapped dead. Of course, then they won't have anyone to do the menial jobs that they revile, but I wouldn't give them too much credit for being smart.

Yeah, I said "handicapped" instead of the more politically correct "disabled." I honestly don't see what the difference is. I can apply both to my own condition, and I don't find either one offensive. Sometimes people become so busy picking nits that they forget to work on the issues that really matter.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday: Such a Cold Night

Image by Robson Machado from Pixabay

lying down

with quilts over the head

such a cold night

I spent many nights like this

in a trailer with no heat

~cie~

notes

The Hokku stanza was written by Matsuo Basho (1644 - 1694). The Ageku stanza was written by me. It is autobiographical.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday: Persimmon

Image Source

When I ate a persimmon

The bell rung

The Horyuji temple

sound from another lifetime

calling me to remember

~shiki & cie~

notes

The Hokku was written by Masaoka Shiki (1867-1902). The Ageku was created by me. I do believe that reincarnation is a possibility. I do not reveal this as an invitation to debate, merely as a statement of my thoughts on the matter.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday on the Following Monday Because I Suck: Another Morning

Image by Hasty Words from Pixabay

New Year's morning

the first day begins

in the same dream

or perhaps the same nightmare

when your mind has been broken

~nobody~

notes from nobody

The Hokku stanza was written by Jane Reichhold (1937 - 2016). The Ageku stanza was written by nobody.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday on Friday: The Old Pond

I like this frog. This frog has a "don't fuck with me" look about it. I resonate with this frog.

old pond

a frog jumps in

sound of water

splashes on my face wake me

bringing me back down to earth

~Basho & Cie~

Notes:

The Hokku stanza of this poem was penned by Matsuo Basho (1644 - 1694). The Ageku stanza is all about me.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday: At Dawn

Image Source

at night my sleeping

is hit or miss, either deep

or light and disturbed

at dawn birds start to sing

praising their Creator ... as always

Chèvrefeuille & Cie

Notes:

The Ageku of this Renga was created by Chèvrefeuille. The Hokku can be blamed on me.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday #5: White Crane

how I wish to call

a white crane from Fukei,

but for this cold rain.

the crane wisely remains home

safely out of the downpour

Kikaku & Cie

Notes:

The Hokku stanza of this Renga was composed by Takarai Kikaku (1661 - 1707) who was an accomplished disciple of Matsuo Basho. The Ageku stanza was composed by me on behalf of the crane who said: "I ain't goin' out in that downpour, Beeyotch!" Or something like that. 

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday: Reverse Renga: Crystal Dewdrops

Image Source

blue morning glory

closed against the rising sun

holding onto night

pink morning glory in full bloom

covered with crystal dewdrops  

~Cie & Chèvrefeuille~

Notes:

This time we were given the Ageku (two-line stanza) and had to compose the Hokku (three-line stanza). So, the three gloomy lines are mine. You know me. Or not, if you're lucky.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday (3) + OctPoWriMo 2019: Day 30: Clarity

Image Source

crystal brook

reflects the willow trees

birds sing their song

who I am is clear

where I'm going, not so much

~Yozakura & Cie~

Notes:

The Hokku stanza of this Tan Renga was written by Yozakura, the Unknown Haiku Poet. The Ageku (two-line) stanza was created by me. I married the Carpe Diem prompt and the OctPoWriMo prompt, and this Tan Renga is their baby.

Carpe Diem Tan Renga Wednesday #2: October Beach

Image Source

October beach

in all the footprints

the tread of shoes

I say we kick off our shoes

let the cool sand soothe our feet

~Jane & Cie~

Notes:

The Hokku stanza was written by Jane Reichhold (1937 -2016). The Akegu (two-line) stanza was created by me.