Childhood Memories

 

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

childhood memories

not always bright and sunny

for some, endless hell

notes

Today's Senryu was inspired by a prompt from Carpe Diem Haiku.

https://chevrefeuillescarpediem.blogspot.com/2012/10/carpe-diem-27-childhood.html

Text art was added to the base image using Pixlr. You are welcome to share the Haiga, but please credit Cara Hartley/Ornery Owl if you do. A link back to this blog would also be appreciated.

I have made many aborted attempts over the years to write about the things that happened to me when I was young and how complex PTSD has affected my life. The fact is, it's difficult for me to write about these things in more than fragmented pieces such as this Haiga. I would like to tell my story on the chance that it might help someone else to hear it, but on the other hand, it's very hard for me to talk about it. 

I will say this much. I am the end result of years of bullying and abuse. If you are one of those people who thinks shaming and belittling will force anyone to become what you think they should be, you're wrong. 

A person who has been bullied and abused (same thing, really) may end up being a driven, type A personality. They may end up becoming successful. The things that drive them will, nonetheless, be destructive. Things such as a desire for revenge, a desire to prove those who abused them wrong, a desire to escape the pain of the past. Nobody escapes repeated mistreatment unscathed.

People with C-PTSD often have difficulty forming lasting relationships because we have difficulty trusting. I generally only form very superficial relationships with other people. I don't like to open up to people or become attached to them, because I expect them to betray me. 

I tend to come off as prickly and unfriendly. The truth is, I'm protecting myself. That being said, if you're an asshole to me, you can anticipate my being an asshole to you. My days of being a doormat are long behind me and I really don't care if anyone likes me or not. It might be nice if someone did, but I don't expect it. 

So, there's a slice of me. It's an acquired taste that most people don't tend to acquire. One person referred to me as flinty. I think that's reasonably accurate.

Ornery Owl is letting Honey Badger fill in on this one.