April PAD Challenge/NaPoWriMo 2022 Day 3

Here is the link to today's soundtrack in case you can't see the player.

https://odysee.com/@AncientRealms:e/WS2016:1?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

The following are the prompts that I used to create today's poem.

https://www.napowrimo.net/day-three-8/

Write a Glosa

Here is a detailed explanation of the Glosa with a sample poem.

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/glose-or-glosa-poetic-forms

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2022-april-pad-challenge-day-2

Write a second chance poem

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2022-april-pad-challenge-day-3

Write a smell poem

I chose H. P. Lovecraft's "A Garden" as the inspiration for my Glosa. 

https://www.hplovecraft.com/writings/texts/poetry/p100.aspx

Lovecraft wrote the poem in 1917. It was first published in The Vagrant, Spring 1927.

A welcome bit of hilarity. As an extra treat, I present you with eldritch culinary horror.

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/hp-lovecraft-writes-olive-gardens-dinner-menu

Here are the four Lovecraftian lines that inspired my Glosa. I don't have to kill anyone for reading these. Lovecraft's work is in the public domain. 

There are vines in nooks and crannies, and there’s moss about the pool,

And the tangled weedy thicket chokes the arbour dark and cool:

In the silent sunken pathways springs an herbage sparse and spare,

Where the musty scent of dead things dulls the fragrance of the air.

--H.P. Lovecraft, A Garden

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Image by mollyroselee from Pixabay

Sympathy for Nyarlathotep

 

Image copyright Yuuki Morita

Click to enlarge

forever liminal

the pinnacle of greatness

he is not a person

although he could appear to be one

composed of many layers

there is no line he wouldn't cross

he will stop at nothing

to feed his needs

consider his tendency

to inspire madness 

unknown is the oracle

who can stomach his true appearance

he is that most powerful spirit

guarding the stairs to the stars

those believing themselves worthy to join his tribe

always tumble to their doom

Nyarlathotep's nature

is ultimately not his fault

he was spawned by primordial chaos

he plays by ever-changing rules

~cie~

Write a "spirit of the stairs" poem.

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2021-april-pad-challenge-countdown-t-minus-3

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2021/03/29/wordle-234/

Oracle

Liminal-

relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.

2.occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.

Stop

Tumble

Tribe

Greatness

Person

Layers

Line

Consider

Tendency

Stomach

Duly Noted

Nyarlathotep is the creation of H.P. Lovecraft, initially appearing in his 1920 story of the same name. He is my favorite of the Outer Gods because of his malleable nature. I feel that the chosen image represents Nyarlathotep perfectly. He is both beautiful and terrible and those foolish enough to attempt to command him will wind up descending into madness.

My vision of Nyarlathotep has developed over many years of admiring and working with the character. His function is to grant wishes. The epithet "be careful what you wish for because you may get it" applies in spades where Nyarlathotep is concerned. 

Nyarlathotep absolutely enjoys causing madness to those who deserve it. He generally does not have to work very hard to achieve this end. He gives his victims the rope and they hang themselves. My version of Nyarlathotep, however, can also be just and generous. He loves granting wishes for those who are genuine and sincere in their intent.

There is a gray area for supplicants who summon Nyarlathotep out of desperation rather than lust for power, money, or other obsession. There will always be a price, but it is never one's soul or sanity. Nyarlathotep will probably come to collect at an inconvenient time because that is what tricksters do. 

Nyarlathotep has many offspring. My version of Nyarlathotep has a daughter named Yadira to whom he is deeply devoted. This snarky sorceress is the result of Nyarlathotep's marriage to his one true love, Queen Nathicana of Zaïs, a character initially appearing in Lovecraft's 1927 poem Nathicana.

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)

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NaPoWriMo 2020 Day 8 + Words for Wednesday + April PAD Challenge 2020 Day 8 + April PAD Challenge 2020 Countdown Catch-Up Day 2: Mr. Lovecraft's Dream Zoo

Here are some Moonbeasts flying through Dreamlands space in a black galleon. I am not sure who the artist is but will be happy to credit them. Sadly, it isn't me.

You must practice each night

If you hope to take flight

And visit Mr. Lovecraft's dream zoo

Image from Chaosium's Dreamlands supplement

You may find a buopoth bent over the water

You may even find an otter

Or what seems to be a fairy too

On closer look, the fairy is furry

It has a tentacled nose and may scurry

For you have chanced on a Zoog

copyright Francios Baranger

Abhoth is made of liquid

And Cthulhu is a big squid

Who hangs about in R'lyeh

Image from the Call of Cthulhu Dreamlands supplement

The fireworm should never be teased

Or even be provoked to sneeze

Or you'll be out of the frying pan and into the fire

This is a book cover from one of the versions of The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath

If you find yourself filled with fear

At all the horrors found here

The Cats of Ulthar are near

For Mr. Lovecraft loves cats too

Written with much respect for my longtime literary hero

Image copyright Barrett Chapman

I can't help but think that this classic deep cut from Iron Maiden is the perfect Dreamlands theme song.

Sparked by these prompts:

The prompt: Peruse Twitter bots that tweet the works of famous poets. While Lovecraft was better known for his prose than his poetry, my latest fictional foray addresses his 1927 poem, Nathicana. Also, I don't know if there is a Lovecraft Twitter bot. Lovecraft was simply my poet of choice.

April PAD Challenge Day 8: Write a future poem. The Dreamlands can be accessed from any point in time, and many people consider Lovecraft to be a science fiction author. We from his future are still inspired by his steampunk visions.

April PAD Challenge Countdown Catch-Up Day 2: Write a hope poem.

I've always felt that the Dreamlands were, despite the myriads of lurking horrors, a place of hope.

notes

With Cancel Culture being what it is, I suppose that I should explain that yes, I am aware that H.P. Lovecraft held xenophobic views. This is rather an oversimplification, neglecting to take into account his peculiar upbringing and strange life circumstances. Lovecraft was an introverted and depressive personality who feared further disruption in a life that had been filled with disruption for as long as he could remember. At the time of his death in 1937, those who knew him said that his xenophobic viewpoints had softened. 

Lovecraft was married for two years to Sonia Greene, a writer herself and a patron of the arts. In her biography, she stated that he would write her long, romantic letters, but he never told her that he loved her. His mother was a deeply disturbed individual who imbued in him the idea that he was more monster than human (he is the protagonist in the story "The Outsider"), and his aunts were unaffectionate personalities as well. He expressed himself best through writing, which is a quality that I can relate to.

Those who corresponded with Lovecraft knew him to be a gracious and kind man with a dry sense of humor as well as a unique imagination. I first read his writing at fourteen years old, and I feel it would be a pity if future generations were deprived of his masterpieces due to the overly zealous thought policing so prevalent in modern times.

Try some Lovecraft on for size. If you purchase the book through the link, I will receive a small commission from Amazon.

HPL's twisted imagination continues to wreak havoc 83 years after his death. T 'was he and Stephen King who inspired the writing of this tale.



You can check out the King of Horror's contribution in this fabulous collection of Lovecraft-inspired spine-tinglers.

 

Must-have Maiden for your Dreamland listening pleasure.

Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation #107: Soliloquy No Renga: One Starry Night

Starry Night by Alex Ruiz

one starry night

to make that one painting -

the rustling leaves

as summer draws to a close

and the green leaves turn to gold

on one starry night
so many years in the past
years rushed by so fast
a foolish girl made a wish
that could never come to pass

she would never be
Venus Anadyomene
more Pickman's model
never seen through eyes of love
always used and tossed aside

the rustling of leaves
as they crunch beneath the shoes
of a broken crone
step hobbled and hair of gray
dead dreams lie within her heart

summer draws to close
life's flame is growing dimmer
she hides in the dark
tortured by the memory
of a girl who wanted more

green leaves turn to gold
golden strands of hair to gray
no matter the shade
she was never beautiful
her heart is cold as winter

~Chèvrefeuille & Cie~

Notes:

The first Hokku was created by Chèvrefeuille. The rest of this mess you can blame on me.

Shout-outs to Sandro Botticelli and H.P. Lovecraft. Can you spot their influence?

OctPoWriMo 2019: Day 2: Changelings: A Senryu Trio

Image by prettysleepy1 from Pixabay

the most docile soul

may transform to a changeling

if abused enough

a child's mind comes to
fear what waits in the darkness
when left all alone

a fantasy world

is better than what is real

for the outsider

~Cie~

Song Inspiration:

Also dedicated to H.P. Lovecraft in honor of his story, The Outsider.
He wrote it about himself.
I always felt as if he could have written it for me.

Don't Move! This is a Haibun! NaPoWriMo 2019 Day 11 + Poems in April 2019 Day 8 & 11: Small but Fierce vs. Large and Fatal

Cie's family, 1973

Dad (31 May 1936 - 28 November 2010)

Mom (Will be 80 in June)

Younger Brother (Turned 50 on March 17 of this year)

The Ugly Duckling Who Never Became a Swan (Turned 54 on 14 February)

I am now doing NaPoWriMo and trying to catch up on Poems in April with The Imaginary Garden With Real Toads, which I didn't know was a thing until a couple of days ago. 

I'm going to try and get reeeealllly creative with the prompts so I can catch up sooner. The result will probably be a cobbled-together horror which would make Nyarlathotep run screaming into the night. Let's get going!

So, NaPoWriMo wants to know where I'm from, not as in my location, but as in, who am I? It's probably more of a what than a who, but I'll give it a shot.

The Toads want to know the news from my bed and what would scare the thing I'm scared of. Well, go get your coffee and donuts and come back. Eat a donut. Drink your coffee. And don't move, this is a Haibun!

Where Am I From?

Back on February 15, 1965, a thing that really didn't belong in this world was born into this world. 

This thing was an awful pain from the start. 

It was born in a raging blizzard. 

It didn't sleep well. 

When it was about a year and a half old, some genius of a doctor gave it phenobarbitol to try and make it sleep. It was awake for three days. 

Something was evidently weird about this thing. It didn't play by the rules.

What Did I Become?

Not surprisingly, the thing grew up to be terribly unpopular and not all well liked. Its peers made it their scapegoat. 

Since the thing really didn't have any friends among its peers, it found "friends" in other places. 

The thing found "friends" in reruns of a very special program called Star Trek. 

It especially liked Mr. Spock, because he was kind of sad and didn't fit in either.

What Scares an Abomination?

I could have written about how much I hate centipedes and cockroaches and earwigs, but I don't know what scares those. Cockroaches aren't scared of anything. They are going to survive the nuclear apocalypse. If cockroaches had middle fingers, they would be scuttling around with their middle fingers raised all the time. 

I didn't want to write about roach motels anyway.

So, I thought I'd write about the thing that scared that ugly, unwanted little girl monster, and continues to terrify and inspire the ugly, unwanted adult monstrosity that she became. Ready, readers? Let's go!

The Lights of Zetar

One day the child monstrosity was watching her beloved Star Trek and daydreaming that she was grown up and pretty and that Mr. Spock was her boyfriend. Please keep in mind that she was ten years old and stupid.

That was the day when the girl monstrosity would discover the thing that scared her most. Even more than vampires. Even more than the Xenomorphs that would later lurk in the shadows. Even more than malevolent ghosts.

The girl monstrosity was raised Catholic, and the most frightful idea to her was that of being possessed or otherwise overtaken by a demon. But there are ways of stopping even demons if you can find a priest who has mystical knowledge.

The Lights of Zetar were something that could travel through space at warp speed, come through walls, and destroy a person's brain. There is something viscerally terrifying in that concept.

With the medical knowledge that I would later acquire, I could have told Dr. McCoy that the Lights of Zetar cause their victims to have a massive stroke. Fortunately for the story's heroine, Mira Romaine, there was something unusual about her brain, so they only caused her to have a T.I.A. (transient ischemic attack, colloquially a "small stroke.")

From my current vantage point, I know how the Lights of Zetar effect was created. The entity itself is made of gelatin. The flashes are caused by aluminum powder. 

The script had its problems. When watching the episode from my current vantage point, I always end up thinking that if Captain Kirk refers to a grown adult woman as "the girl" one more time, I'm going to make him wear his balls for earrings. 

Nonetheless, even knowing that the entity depicted is pretty much Jello and Pop Rocks, the CONCEPT remains compelling, and The Lights of Zetar remain the scariest combination of Jello and Pop Rocks in the Universe. I still have nightmares about these fuckers. 

As to why I find Jello and Pop Rocks more terrifying than Xenomorphs, vampires, or even demons, there are ways to fight all of those. Even though you might not have much of a chance, there's still some chance. Besides, demons generally don't blow out their victim's brain. 

The Lights of Zetar can travel faster than light speed, pass through the hull of a starship, and most of the time, they fry their victim's brain. It's like a supermassive extraterrestrial cerebrovascular accident (CVA). I did not have knowledge of the term CVA when I was ten years old. All I knew was that The Lights of Zetar terrified me.

Fan Fiction and Beyond

I always wanted to create a back-story for The Lights of Zetar, but wouldn't end up doing so until more than 40 years after I saw the original episode. 

Thanks to my obsession with an almost universally panned episode of a decades-old television series, I can now tell you all what would scare the thing that scares me.

Meet the Citizens of Zecor

Image Source

Princess Ondina, reluctant regent

Qweh, tyrant king of West Zecor
(I believe the image is of a mage from Skyrim)

Serab, a lowly Ahprizite hybrid thief
(This image is from deviantart. The artist's information is in the watermark.)

Yadira, high priestess of the Outer Gods and daughter of Nyarlathotep
This is a very impressive prosthetic makeup created by Daniele Tinzani

Zecor is the sixth planet orbiting the binary Zetar star system. East Zecor was a peaceful, almost Utopian society. West Zecor was ruled over by King Qweh, a sadistic tyrant who relished physically torturing and having his sociopathic scientists experiment upon his hapless subjects. 

Qweh enjoyed psychologically torturing his insubordinate younger sister, Princess Ondina, by turning his victims over to her and challenging her to use her empathic healing abilities on these usually fatally wounded unfortunates.

One day, Princess Ondina's bodyguard managed to enrage King Qweh and wound up dead. Qweh rounded up his posse and went searching for his daily quota of victims. The group happened upon Serab, a destitute thief. Serab was nimble and adept at escaping from impossible situations, but he was badly outnumbered and taken into captivity.

The ruling race on Zecor tended to be very tall. Princess Ondina was around six feet tall and King Qweh stood at around seven feet four inches. Serab was an Ahprizite hybrid. The Ahprizite were a diminutive race of humanoids. Serab was only five feet three inches tall and slightly built. 

King Qweh thought it a great joke to present his sister with the tiny Serab as a replacement for her slain bodyguard, but Ondina did not react with the scorn that the king had hoped for. She instead saw Serab's potential and took him on as her bodyguard and assistant. 

The affection between Ondina and Serab quickly became romantic, and, although they tried to present their relationship as being purely one of mutual respect, their true feelings were impossible to hide. Qweh was enraged at the way his sister was conducting herself with a common thief right under his nose.

Qweh had an adviser named Baroness Yadira, who was not only a powerful sorceress but the daughter and high priestess of Nyarlathotep. Yadira taught Qweh and his followers the indomitable magic of the Mythos of the Outer Gods. 

Qweh was meant to use this magic to subjugate other races and turn them into cultists serving the Outer Gods. However, he was an inept bumbler and, on one drunken night, attempted to exert his newfound power over the Zetar system's small sun. The small sun reacted by cannibalizing the large sun, causing itself to go nova, and flooding the planets with deadly gamma radiation.

Qweh used the magic Yadira had given him to turn himself and his sycophants into a powerful noncorporeal hive entity, the manifestation which came to be known as The Lights of Zetar. Prior to vacating his doomed body, Qweh murdered Serab and admonished Ondina that he would destroy the unfortunate thief in any future lifetime where she attempted to reunite with him.

Ondina responded by dispatching Serab's departing spirit to The Realm of the Yellow Sun (Earth's solar system.) She spent many lifetimes distancing herself from him so as not to bring down Qweh's wrath upon him. However, Serab's love for Ondina was undying, and he spent as many lifetimes trying to draw her back to him.

Finally, in Earth's twentieth century, Serab was reborn as Gerold Lyon Clifford on 12 December 1951 at 6 P.M. in Glasgow, Scotland. Ondina was reborn as Pepper Baiij on 12 October 1967 in Lawrence, Kansas. 

Both Gerry and Pepper had strong psychic abilities. They also had a millenniums-old enemy tracking them. When Gerry was twenty years old, he celebrated a record deal by dropping a tab of acid. While standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette, he was attacked by the Lights of Zetar entity, which hoped to use him as a host to enact Qweh's undying hope to become ruler over the cosmos.

Gerry, however, had unusually strong latent magical abilities, which enabled him to banish the entity from Earth. His physical vehicle was unable to endure the constant struggle to keep the planet safe, and, over time, his physical brain started to erode. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease on 20 December 2007 and committed to the Candlelight Ridge Residential Care Facility on 19 November 2013.

As Gerry's physical brain deteriorated, his vulnerable spirit was targeted by Yadira, now known as Yadira Root, who assumed the guise of a kindly volunteer at Candlelight Ridge. In reality, the sorceress was seeking souls to become part of her own personally crafted hive entity, intended to counter the narcissistic and overall ineffective entity comprised of Qweh and his toadies.

Yadira's intent is to eradicate Qweh and his Lights of Zetar and to finally make her father, Nyarlathotep, proud by conquering worlds with the help of the entity which she has been carefully creating over the course of many centuries. Like other Great Old Ones, Nyarlathotep is patient. He knows that all will transpire when The Stars Are Right.

Thus, to make a long story long:

The Lights of Zetar are proven to be frightfully inept though nonetheless incredibly dangerous and exceedingly terrifying.

The thing that most frightens King Qweh, the commanding component in this psychokinetic salad of a giant spacefaring brain, is an ancient and pissed-off sorceress who wants him erased or enslaved, and she doesn't care much which.

Although he would never admit it, the mighty King Qweh is also tremendously threatened by Serab, a small and humble being with a stalwart spirit. As well, Qweh was always quite keen to keep Ondina subjugated, for it was obvious from the time of her birth that her innate powers easily exceeded his own.

In conclusion:

Mighty you may seem

In truth, you are a blowhard

Felled by a small thing

Created by:

The Real Cie

with essential help from

Gem Moondreamer

Lady Eddie

and

Rose LeMort

Notes:

This piece was started at donut and coffee time. I hoped to have it finished by lunchtime, but it was not completed until dinnertime. I suck at deadlines.

Nyarlathotep and the Outer Gods are the creations of H.P. Lovecraft

The Lights of Zetar is a (thankfully) fictional extraterrestrial being which appeared on the original Star Trek series in 1969. This entity is the creation of the late Jeremy Tarcher and the late Shari Lewis. 

Shari Lewis' involvement in this creepy episode tends to come as a surprise to people, as she was famous for her work with the cuddly Lamb Chop puppet, not for writing about horrific entities from space which scare grouchy and curmudgeonly horror harridans for a lifetime.

Nightmare Bonus:

Fetch: Invisible Submersion

In Tune with the Infinite

Copyright Mira Nedyalkova

The day after her troubled brother Daniel's disappearance, a tearful Amber Clifford-Collins showed her Uncle Paul the disturbing final entry in Dan's diary.

The annegare

In secluded submersion

Lie invisible

~Cie, Gem, and Helena~

Prompts Used:

Five Lines or Less

Victorious Vocabulary

Notes:

Although we believe this works as an eerie stand-alone piece, it is also part of Team Netherworld's WIP, Fetch. The Fetch blog is for Team Netherworld members only, but I reposted the chapter where Daniel describes meeting the Annegare, as he calls the mermaids of Cerenarian Sea, to his sister, Amber.

Annegare is an Italian word meaning "to drown." It is pronounced an-ne-gar-re.

Etymology: from Latin *adnecare, from necāre, present active infinitive of necō, “kill”.

Earth's Dreamlands and the Cerenarian Sea are the creations of H.P. Lovecraft.

Amber Clifford-Collins, Daniel Clifford, and Paul Clifford are original characters created by Team Netherworld.

Dedicated to H.P. Lovecraft for a lifetime of inspiration

Without him, many of our stories would never have happened

Eldritch Senryu: The Rats In The Walls

"The Rats In The Walls" by KxG Witcher

Inspired by the H.P. Lovecraft tale of the same name

The scampering claws

 Of the rats within the walls

 Drive one to madness

~Cie the Lovecraft Devotee~

Prompts Used:

Hourly Writing Prompts 

The stars were right, the Cheese Factor was high, the prompts aligned, and this eldritch horror made its way effortlessly into the doomed world. Iä, Iä, Cthulu fhtagn!

OctPoWriMo 2017: Day 4: Between the Clouds and the Water

Image copyright Amy McGrath

Between the Clouds and the Water

Between the clouds and the water

Where poetry hides

Is no fantasy location

Nor a good place for a vacation

It is my world within the world of dreams

A world much more real than it seems

To those unenlightened to the ways

Of those who lead another life behind closed eyes

The sirens swim the Dreamland seas

Searching for vulnerable souls like me

They try to tempt me with their charms, but I resist

For I know I would be far more a slave than a lover

Beneath the clouds and the water

Where poetry hides

I hear the siren's song calling to me

Promising that I could be set free

The freedom they offer is a lie

Those who fall for their lie

Will lie eternally full fathom five

Gazing over the vast ocean floor

With the pearls that have taken

The place of their eyes

Composed by Daniel Clifford

Notes:

This poem is written in the voice of Daniel Clifford, son of Gerry Clifford. Gerry is the male protagonist in Team Netherworld's WIP novel, Fetch. 

Daniel is the target of the sirens which live in the Cerenarian Sea of Earth's Dreamlands.

Earth's Dreamlands and the Cerenarian Sea are the creations of H.P. Lovecraft.

Chapters referencing Daniel and his story can be found via this link: 

http://peppersfetch.blogspot.com/search?q=Daniel+Clifford

OctPoWriMo 2015: Day 16: Ondina's Paradelle

Image by Beverly Tan

Ondina's Paradelle

O Stormy Sea, wash over me

O Stormy Sea, wash over me

Take this shipwreck of a life

Take this shipwreck of a life

To a parallel dimension

Where I may meet my love

I crave his delicious kisses

I crave his delicious kisses

Although I know him not

Although I know him not

I long for him with all my soul

Only his love can save me

Sounding with a crunch, I hear footsteps approaching

Sounding with a crunch, I hear footsteps approaching

I hide away my dream from wicked souls

I hide away my dream from wicked souls

I have not abandoned you, Beloved, remember your Ondina loves you

In her shadow you may rest, until she can return

Long not, Beloved, know your Ondina may return with delicious kisses

Take my life, crunch all wicked souls, have rest with him

Hear her footsteps sounding, approaching to a parallel dimension for you

Where I may meet my loves in shadow, hide away from my abandoned soul

O stormy sea wash over me, until she remember although

Crave, only his love can save this shipwreck of a dream 

~Ondina Rvaga Zecor~

Notes: 

The Princess Ondina is a character in Team Netherworld's serial/novel in progress, Fetch. The story is a paranormal romance with sci-fi elements which honors the late H.P. Lovecraft, as well as other writers of the Cthulhu Mythos genre.

I'm not sure about that last stanza, but my brain just short-circuited. I can do no more!

~Wanda~

The Design is simple:

Stanza 1: 1, 1, 2, 2, 3, 4  

Stanza 2: 5, 5, 6, 6, 7, 8

Stanza 3: 9, 9, 10, 10, 11, 12

Stanza 4: 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 

For the most difficult piece of this poetic puzzle, the final stanza of the paradelle does not repeat like the preceding stanzas, rather the final six lines must contain every word from the first three stanzas, and only those words, again using them only once to form completely new lines.

Z is for Distant Zen

The source page for this image no longer exists

The drawing was not created by any member of Team Netherworld

Believe it or not, there is actually at least one poetry style that begins with the letter Z. However, I would instead like to pay homage to one of Team Netherworld's greatest inspirations, H.P. Lovecraft.

Those who don't know much about Lovecraft won't be aware that as well as his fascinating tales of terror, he also wrote beautiful, Gothic poetry such as the piece below.

The phrase "distant Zen" prompted me to want to write my letter Z poem based on Lovecraft's work.

The Zenith of Darkness

In younger days I did believe

The sun would rise o'er golden sheaves

My every day would be a dance

My life would be filled with romance

I was destined to achieve

Or, at least, so I believed

Fame and fortune, adulation

My praise be sung in conversation

"She is," they'd say, "a thing of wonder"

But these dreams were torn asunder

When one day the shadows descended

From that day forth, darkness never ended

Dreams died one by one as years went by

I realized my hopes had been a lie

I had squandered all my youth

Evading a most ugly truth

Dreams don't come true for those gone mad

For us, only ugliness is to be had

The darkness, they said, was of my own creation

I deserved, they said, the lowest station

Ostracized, I wished I'd die

Like blood, the tears flowed from my eyes

For most of my life, I believed their words

I was driven from the herd

In the shadows I did dwell

I came to know the darkness well 

As years went past, I realized

I would never be a diamond in anyone's eyes

But I was not the clod of dirt

They made me feel like with words that hurt

The way they tried to compensate

For their hidden feelings of self-hate

Was shown in their act of destroying others

Rather than embracing us as sisters and brothers

They sought our vulnerabilities

And stole our value from us like thieves

I regret all the wasted years

Allowing such people to bring me to tears

I never was anyone's shining star

To the unenlightened, I seem bizarre 

The truth I realized late in life

The darkness is not worse than light

Those who with darkness identify

Have been cursed as evil in the eyes

Of an unenlightened society

It's up to us to set ourselves free

You may not see the beauty in me

But I refuse to let you make me think myself ugly

I refuse to waste another hour

Allowing others to have the power

To define the worthiness of my being

It is no longer ugliness that I'm seeing 

For some of us, sadness prevails

We still deserve to tell our tales

We should be allowed to have our say

Rather than having our dark light drugged away

I am an outsider, misunderstood

It took many years to see my own good

Though no-one will ever see the beauty in me

My own truth has set me free

I am just as good as you

My thoughts and feelings are just as true

Thoughts and feelings not gentle or light

But my soul still shines as bright

I've learned the truth after all this time

Having a sad heart is not a crime

~Petra Ylva Steele~

Dedicated to all who live with psychiatric illness, and suffer the misunderstanding that comes with having these conditions. End the stigma!

Six of my creative heroes who lived with psychological illness:

Ambrose Bierce: 

24 June 1842 - 1914 (?)

U.S. Author

Depression 

Mode of death unknown. Body not found or identified.

Howard Phillips Lovecraft: 

August 20, 1890 – March 15, 1937

U.S. Author

Depression. Lovecraft expressed feelings of suicide ideation in letters to friends. 

Death from cancer

Sylvia Plath: 

October 27, 1932 – February 11, 1963

U.S. Author

Bipolar disorder 

Death by suicide

Edgar Allan Poe: 

January 19, 1809 – October 7, 1849

U.S. Author

Depression 

Death from dehydration/fever. Actual cause of illness never identified.

Peter Steele: 

January 4, 1962 – April 14, 2010

U.S. Musician 

Bipolar disorder 

Death from heart disease

Wendy O. Williams:

May 28, 1949 – April 6, 1998

U.S. Musician

 Depression 

Death by suicide

Published on Jan 26, 2013
The Nightmare Lake
(By Howard Phillips Lovecraft)

There is a lake in distant Zan,
Beyond the wonted haunts of man,
Where broods alone in a hideous state
A spirit dead and desolate;
A spirit ancient and unholy,
Heavy with fearsome melancholy,
Which from the waters dull and dense
Draws vapors cursed with pestilence.
Around the banks, a mire of clay,
Sprawl things offensive in decay,
And curious birds that reach that shore
Are seen by mortals nevermore.
Here shines by day the searing sun
On glassy wastes beheld by none,
And here by night pale moonbeams flow
Into the deeps that yawn below.
In nightmares only is it told
What scenes beneath those beams unfold;
What scenes, too old for human sight,
Lie sunken there in endless night;
For in those depths there only pace
The shadows of a voiceless race.
One midnight, redolent of ill,
I saw that lake, asleep and still;
While in the lurid sky there rode
A gibbous moon that glow'd and glow'd.
I saw the stretching marshy shore,
And the foul things those marshes bore:
Lizards and snakes convuls'd and dying;
Ravens and vampires putrefying;
All these, and hov'ring o'er the dead,
Narcophagi that on them fed.
And as the dreadful moon climb'd high,
Fright'ning the stars from out the sky,
I saw the lake's dull water glow
Till sunken things appear'd below.
There shone unnumber'd fathoms down,
The tow'rs of a forgotten town;
The tarnish'd domes and mossy walls;
Weed-tangled spires and empty halls;
Deserted fanes and vaults of dread,
And streets of gold uncoveted.
These I beheld, and saw beside
A horde of shapeless shadows glide;
A noxious horde which to my glance
Seem'd moving in a hideous dance
Round slimy sepulchres that lay
Beside a never-travell'd way.
Straight from those tombs a heaving rose
That vex'd the waters' dull repose,
While lethal shades of upper space
Howl'd at the moon's sardonic face.
Then sank the lake within its bed,
Suck'd down to caverns of the dead,
Till from the reeking, new-stript earth
Curl'd foetid fumes of noisome birth.
About the city, nigh uncover'd,
The monstrous dancing shadows hover'd,
When lo! there oped with sudden stir
The portal of each sepulchre!
No ear may learn, no tongue may tell
What nameless horror then befell.
I see that lake—that moon agrin—
That city and the things within—
Waking, I pray that on that shore
The nightmare lake may sink no more!

Read by CoRVuS MaGNuS

Music: This is a mix I made using 4 tracks from the Call Of Cthulhu: Dark Corners Of The Earth (video game) O. S. T. (2005) The rights of the music belong to Greg Chandler.

The tracks are: 05. Title Calling, 06. Main Menu, 47. Credits, 48 Bonus Cinematics (Trailer)

Images: Some of the images were taken from the art of the collectible card game Call Of Cthulhu. The rights belong to Chaosium Inc. and to the artists who created these images.

May the Deities bless your immortal soul, Mr. Lovecraft!

Love,

Petra