Copyright Morgan Dragonwillow
Obsessive and compulsive
Obsessive about everything
Everything up and down
Down I spiral
Spiral into madness
Madness is obsessed
Obsessed with perfection
Perfection is crazed
Crazed troubled mind
Mind over matter
Matter of fact
Fact is flawed
Flawed is me
Me is broken
Broken is truth
Truth is yes
Yes and no
No peace here
Here in mind
Mind a mess
Mess it up
Up and down
Down I go
Go to hell
Hell here inside
Inside my brain
Brain is insane
Insane is repeating
Repeating the same
Same crap again
Again I slip
Slip to hell
Hell is repetition
Repetition is crazy
Crazy is flawed
Flawed am I
I am broken
Broken to pieces
Pieces of dreams
Dreams fall dead
Dead down inside
Inside the lies
Lies I repeat
Repeat and replay
Replay the same
Same damn thing
Thing which possesses
Possesses my process
Process
Possesses
~Cie~
Notes:
Possesses my process
Process
Possesses
~Cie~
Notes:
This poem addresses obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is part of my grand trifecta of mess. Many people misunderstand obsessive-compulsive disorder, believing that everyone who has it is a germophobe and a neat freak. Obsessive-compulsive disorder can actually express itself in a variety of ways.
I am neither a germophobe nor a neat freak. My perfectionism is in part due to my obsessive-compulsive disorder, and it can cause a lot of anxiety. I am not one of those people who finds cleaning relaxing: quite the opposite, in fact. I have trouble getting rid of things, which is why I am now going through a storage unit which contains a lifetime of things I had trouble getting rid of.
I also have a bit of an obsession with numbers and more than a passing infatuation with categorizing everything. This need for categorization comes into play with my multitude of blogs. I have had more than one person get up in my grill about having multiple blogs. I have two thoughts on this: first since you don't have to have anything to do with any of my blogs, why do you give a flying crap? Second, just because you wouldn't do it that way doesn't mean it's wrong or bad. If I lumped all my work together in one blog, it would be a sanity-scarring fuckery. I am doing everyone a favor by categorizing my blogs, trust me.
I probably would have enjoyed working in a library or another profession involving categorization. Sadly, I don't know that there's much call for book re-shelvers in this modern age, and even if there is, such jobs generally tend to go to teenagers, in my experience.
You worked with the blitz very well here, it perfectly expresses the lack of rest and jumping thoughts of a brain in overdrive...
ReplyDeleteThank you. It is a mindset I'm all too familiar with.
DeleteI'm posting this here because I know you can easily delete it if you think it's an unwelcome suggestion. I have a friend who shares very useful stuff around decluttering for free. Her stuff is useful to me because it comes from a place of respect and realism. She knows how hard it can be to let go of things. Being part of her (again: free) Facebook group has helped me to make decluttering more of a small but consistent, part of my life.
ReplyDeleteI'm not trying to advertise for her, I'm truly happy and grateful about what she's brought me. Here's the link to her site and a lot of free stuff: https://www.less-stuff.co.uk/how-to-have-less-stuff/
I'm fine with this sort of suggestion. I may check it out at some point. My life is tremendously chaotic, what with working, my son and I trying to get the damn storage unit emptied out before the end of the year and then hopefully get my mobile home cleared out enough to sell, and doing these creative projects. I sometimes think I should be checked in someplace before all the stress checks me out.
DeleteThat captured the essence of OCD - well done.
ReplyDelete