Cerebral Dysfunction
Copyright Callie Fink
Content warning:
Drug reference
Yes, I have been euphoric
The year I was sophomoric
Back when I still wanted to dance
In times when there still was a chance
In the clouds I thought I found delight
When I stayed out partying all night
Since I felt no joy in reality
I let substances bring the joy to me
Though it was a lie, I needed it so much
It's been years since I felt euphoria's touch
~Cie~
Note:
I did a lot of drugs in junior high and high school. I don't apologize for it, and I don't really regret it. I did what I had to do to survive. I did not survive unscathed. I came to see as I got older that the drugs didn't solve any of my problems, they just made them fuzzy and nebulous for a while.
I am and always have been a proponent of legalized cannabis. For my own part, I don't use it to get high. I don't even smoke it. I take a low-dose edible to help with my rampant insomnia and to stave off leg cramps. It doesn't get me high, it just acts as a mild sedative. In fact, it fucks with my mind a lot less than prescription sleep medications. I've never done a sleepwalk jaunt out to pee on my car tire after eating a THC-infused gummy square. I most certainly did do that when taking Ambien.
Fortunately, it was 3 AM and the parking lot was very dark. Also fortunately, I didn't walk all the way out to the busy road and get made into street pizza by a passing semi. Well, fortunately or unfortunately, I guess, all depending on your opinion of my existence.
Your frankness is such a gift. I love reading your stuff and the way that you don’t sugarcoat it. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, I'm glad you think so! I've heard all my life how I should not be so honest about my mental health struggles. In one case, I kept quiet while a person whom I actually care about very much said awful things about people who self-harm. This was a good 20 years ago. I had been sexually assaulted and actually had cuts on my arm hidden by my sleeve. I was having multiple panic attacks every day. I think this person has learned something since then, in part because of my forthrightness. I appreciate your kind words!
DeleteThe need to escape... I'm glad you're around still and I get to read your poems, and thankful for your comments on mine.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I appreciate your support! :-)
Delete