Good morning, Poetry People. I started this morning on the Debussy train, but the poetry prompts put me in a different direction as I recalled a dream experience I had on the night of April 7 into April 8.
I write often of Gem who is no longer of this world. There was pain between us at the time of his departure because of my jealous and insecure nature. I believed he wanted to put as much distance between him and me as possible, but this dream/astral experience told me something else.
You're getting extra music today because I've a story to tell. I sang this second song a lot after Gem left because it reminded me of his beautiful eyes that seemed to change color depending on the light and it also speaks to the pain that remained unresolved between us. Ronnie James Dio's vocals are a treasure beyond measure.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but I don't give a rat's ass what you think about my experience. Yes, it's possible that I concocted the whole thing in my fevered subconscious, but it was real to me, so don't be a cunt.
My experience was simply this: Gem and I danced together. He held me close while Catch the Rainbow played and I realized he didn't hate me as I feared he did. He really didn't recognize me or anyone else at the end of his life because the disease that destroyed his body also destroyed his mind, at least on a physical level. I was so grateful to him for bringing this dream to me.
At the end of our Earthly experience together, Gem's and my relationship was more Still Lovin' You than Catch the Rainbow thanks to my jealousy and insecurity. He did nothing wrong, but I feared he would find someone younger, prettier, better. He was always having to soothe my insecurities.
For the people who love to plop down platitudes encouraging those who have lost a partner to "find love again," please secure that shit. Overall for me, the love game has been a losing one. I have a long and storied history of picking truly awful men. The scars on my wrists are a testament to how that shit usually ends up.
Gem is not my sweetheart's real name. I called him that because he was a "Gem" among men. He was one of a kind and I won't find another like him. Also, in point of fact, I don't want to.
By the way, if this experience was simply a manifestation of my subconscious, I think I would have dreamed about the person who was the inspiration behind Ketil, a hero in my Tales from the Dreamlands series. April 8 was the anniversary date of his suicide 31 years ago.
Had "Ketil" appeared in my night visions, I would know better than to write him off as a figment of my subconscious. He wouldn't let me get away with it.
This song totally would not be Ketil/Lord Morbid's jam. He was a total metalhead.
And now, the prompts I used to create my ballad for Gem.
To Taste the Dawn
Prompts Used
Write an Aubade (in Ballad form)
write a love poem
Write a taste poem
I hope that today's intensive session brought you some inspiration for your own poetry. Don't trouble yourself to give me romantic advice, just keep writing! I promise you I'll return the favor.
Anyway, I'm closing in on 60 years old and I have a fuck-ton of health problems. The last damn thing I want or need is another relationship to potentially fuck up. I've had the best. The only other men out there are either related to me or they're The Rest. Either way, it's a no from me.
~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~
Image by EDGAR_FERCH from Pixabay
