“Is it too much to ask for it to rain?” I ask as I spend
another summer steeped in sweat.
Yet I remember the year when the flood came, another year
when I often asked: “is it too much to ask for it to rain?”
I remember the wave slamming into the side of my car, the
terror as I wondered if I would be swept away into a field which had become a
choppy lake.
I did not ask for it to rain for a long time after that.
when something well-loved
becomes a thing of terror
everything changes
~Cie~
Image from the Longmont Times-Call
Notes:
For those who are prone to questioning my veracity, the story related above is 100% true and I had PTSD following the incident. One of the ways in which this affected me is making me unable to write for a long time. People lost their lives during this flood, and I didn't know why I wasn't one of them. I've never done anything which I believe makes me worthy of continued survival, and yet, like toenail fungus, I persist in hanging around long past my sell-by date.
Weather extremes are terrifying, and we will be seeing more of them, sadly. That must have been terrifying to the max. The photo is sobering. It is good you survived.
ReplyDeleteThat must have been a very frightening time...and yes, when something loved becomes a thing of terror it must be awful. Your poem made me reflect.
ReplyDeleteTelling wisdom wrapped up so well here...
ReplyDeleteYes, change, always change. If we're lucky or blessed (or both), we survive it.
ReplyDeleteI'd probably be traumatized too if that happened to me! This haibun really has a haunted quality to it. It's a complete psychological horror story.
ReplyDeleteThings we love that turn on us are terrifying.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest lost comes when life (or a particular bit of living) takes away the things that feed our souls. Fear is a terrible bastard, PTSD, the super-vivid memories of said fear is an even bigger monster. May we all be the most persistent of toenail fungi when we must!
ReplyDeleteUm... I hit "Publish" before changing "lost" to "loss". *sigh*
ReplyDeleteWe had terrible floods here early 2017 – after praying desperately for rain! – and have still not got over our collective horror. People lost lives, property, had narrow escapes, went through incredible challenges, were left with PTSD.... And it happened so FAST! (I was out of danger, but no-one could help but be affected.) I don't doubt you for a moment.
ReplyDeleteA thoughtfully rendered haibun that gives pause. The haiku reflects the prose phrase "too much" brilliantly.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your pain and grief, and continued sorrow, fear and puzzlement - why did you survive? come what may, your time wasn't up - even if you don't see, feel or know your own self-value, it doesn't mean that you aren't around for a higher purpose.
ReplyDeleteAs for sweltering heat? I'll drop the sweltering, ask for heat, warmth and sun --- it's rained so much since the major Spring flooding, that I'm considering building an ark. (I live in Quebec) - and we're drowning for rain.
ah yes the rain can be soothing and the same rain a terror. No it certainly is not too much to ask for a little rain
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by my sumie Sunday
Much❤🕊❤love
Very well written recount of a terrifying time. Our CDHK family are typically supportive and not judgmental. Part of that is the fact that many poets write from a state of brokenness or healed brokenness.
ReplyDeleteHow frightening!
ReplyDeleteWow, these lines really got me:
ReplyDelete"when something well-loved
becomes a thing of terror
everything changes."
I love an alcoholic-so, this ending really got me.
Well Done~
I am sorry the thing you loved turned on you....