I love you.
Not just when it's tragically hip to do so.
Not just when your band is the "in thing."
Not just when you're young and unconventionally handsome.
Not just when things are going good.
Not because I'm a pretty girl (I'm not) who likes to prove she can get any man she sets her mind to.
Not only when it's a nice day or I'm hypomanic or at least the charnel smell isn't blowing down from the damn meat packing plant to the North of where I live.
Not even only when your beautiful, sharp mind is at its best and you're cooking up something new and wonderful.
I love you when it hurts like hell to do so.
I love you because you deserve to be loved.
I love you because you were, are, and always will be a cut above.
I love you because you're beautiful in the ways that really count.
I love you even though I know how it makes me look.
I love you even though it makes my heart feel like it's being ripped out by dull razor blades and sometimes stabbed through by burning swords.
It never ends--I always will love you.
Please visit this very talented artist. http://elric2012.deviantart.com/art/Ten-of-Swords-190084600
~Cie~
Cross-Posted to:
(NSFW blog. Contains slash/explicit gay erotica)
Even when he started showing signs of how frail and sick he was becoming, he still didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, and so he kept trying to be strong and do what he believed was right.
And so, this is why I can’t stop talking about him.
That and the fact that he saved my life more than once when I was a miserable, lonely, scapegoated, mentally ill teenager just by making music that was for people like me, not for the “cool” kids, but for the rejects, for the lonely, the angry, the pissed off. For people who everyone else thought was worthless. Malcolm Young did not give a rare rat fuck about being cool. I loved that about him—love that about him.
Always in the present tense, because that is a feeling that will never die.
Right on, my sister.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, it is.
Love isn't all that moon-june-tune sweetie pie in my eye fluff.
Love hurts.
That's the hell of it.
Ain't it just.
DeleteThank you.
Love isn't all that moon-june-tune sweetie pie in my eye fluff.
DeleteI know you, Mo. You wanted to say "crap." But fluff does work better here.
Too right, in any case. Love hurts.
It's the hell of it indeed. Well said, Mo.
DeleteI was initially going to say that Malcolm Young should be ashamed of himself for making so many people unhappy (especially Cie) but I'm changing that. Fate/the Cosmos/whatever should be ashamed of making Malcolm so sick, which is making everyone so unhappy.
ReplyDeleteI was really saddened to hear about this. He really is a nice guy. It isn't right or fair.
Nah, he has nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever fate allowed this to happen does. It's not right at all.
DeleteTrying to think of anything that this man should be particularly ashamed of and I can't. I'm pretty sure that he and Angus long ago made up for that fight I heard about where they were hitting each other and pulling each other's hair. Brother stuff, you know.
DeleteNah, he hasn't done anything to deserve this shit.
Apparently you didn't want to get in the middle of it when they (Angus and Malcolm) started going at each other. Even Bon Scott said so, and he was never one to be afraid of a fight!
DeleteDear Troll, don't you have a job or something?
ReplyDeleteOh wait...
Bwahahahaha!!!!
I swear, he's really grasping at straws now.
It's pretty clear that someone had a second helping of Stupid Flakes for breakfast today.
X-D
DeleteThere are all too many who consume Stupid Flakes like they were going out of style.
DeleteStupid Flakes...smirk.
DeleteThis character depletes the Dumbass Store of their supply of Stupid Flakes on a daily basis!
Cie, this is so real, just like you. And just like him. It feels right, even though the situation is so wrong.
ReplyDeleteReal love hurts--bleeding hell, yes it does. The fluff comes easy. It's when you let yourself keep feeling even though it's ripping your heart out that is a measure of real love.
You have real love in you, and I truly believe those energies will heal his soul, even though his physical brain can't be healed barring some kind of miracle.
Most younger people reading this will have no idea who this man is or why he could be so important to somebody. He's a non-descript looking middle-aged man. Yeah, like the rest of you I notice the pretty eyes, but beyond that, he's no G.Q. hunk, so most women wouldn't take a second look. Our society is so fixated on looks. A person is so much more, and that's what you love. That's what makes it beautiful, not cheap and tawdry like you're worried about.
I do get a laugh out of all the girlies posting pictures of him when he was 25 years old and swooning over them. He hasn't looked like that in some thirty years. That's not love, it's lust.
Poor guy--he'd probably be baffled as hell over what all the fuss was about. I always liked that about him. He had no airs.
My own little rant. Sorry about that. Sending all the love I can to you and to him. You're both hurt and broken souls in need of healing.
MUCH LOVE!
Your friend always,
Naila
You're right, he would be baffled. I'd love like anything for him to read this and be baffled because he was overthinking it (as he seems to have been wont to do) and not because his poor mind doesn't work and he can't comprehend it.
DeleteI've never been into the G.Q. hunk thing myself. I prefer the guys that most people won't take a second look at but who have something special going on beneath the surface.
Thanks for the positive vibes--I need 'em and he does for sure.
Love does hurt, and not just in the "I got involved with a guy who crushed my heart" kind of way. In fact, I think it hurts most with something like this. Here's a person who went through life trying to do good, and it's like he's getting the shaft so hard, and it's a total injustice. Who wouldn't be angry about that, especially when I know that he meant so much to you. You feel like he saved your life, hell's sake, how are you supposed to feel other than crushed?
ReplyDeleteDon't be ashamed of your feelings. You see the beauty in him--the real beauty. How can that be bad? Keep seeing it. Never forget. He deserves not to be forgotten. I know I won't, although my perspective is different from yours.
We aren't all the same. Wouldn't it be dull if it were?
He sure as hell deserves not to be forgotten, you got that right!
DeleteIf one knows anything about him at all it's impossible not to see the beauty.
Thank you, Ellie.
Cie, this poem made me cry. Don't ever be ashamed of what's in your heart. This is so real and raw. If people can't get it, then fuck 'em.
ReplyDeleteOf course you all know how broken up I was when Pete Steele died. He was so young, just 48, too young to die from a heart attack to be sure. But at least he was Pete up to the end. Malcolm is lost, but his body is still alive. It really does make me feel kind of pukey. You look at his eyes, he was always thinking. What a hell of a thing this is.
Cie, this is the stuff I love--the real, raw, straight to the heart stuff. Most people are scared of this kind of thing. That man you're expressing your love to wasn't. He was always real. Honor his memory by honoring that part of yourself. I want to see more like this! Don't be afraid to let it all hang out! Well, okay, not that. Put that away! ;-)
ReplyDeleteSeriously, this is the kind of poetry that's truly worth writing. From the heart, from the soul, from the gut. Go to it!