I've come a long way in keeping my temper in check from the days of my youth, but there are a few things that make me really hot under the collar, and then I overreact just a teeny tiny little bit and hit the red button with the nearest sledgehammer, sending the verbal nukes a-flyin'.
One thing that sets me off like nobody's business is the implication that I'm a liar or one of those self-important twits who would create a puff piece minimizing the struggles of a person with a cognitive, physical, or psychological impairment to prove how Deep and Poetical (TM) I am. I have ripped shit more than once on the kind of people who say things like "he's so autistic" or "she's so bipolar" when what they mean is "he's withdrawn and not socially adept" and "she's mercurial." Do NOT use people's health conditions as adjectives. It's really fucking rude. Recently, I fired a real estate agent who believed that questioning my credibility would inspire me to "move quickly." Say whaaaaaat???? In what Universe does that even make sense? I remarked that this guy must have watched American Psycho and thought that it was a business training video. The lack of logic in this line of thinking is astounding.
Having my credibility questioned is a real sore point for me. All my life I've had people imply that I was "just looking for attention" or "being dramatic" or straight-up lying about my symptoms. I have a lot of physical issues that have never been resolved, and the scars on my arms are not the result of "seeking attention," fuck you very much. They are the result of having been in one whole fuckload of psychological pain and feeling like no-one was on my side.
Point of trivia: my ex-husband has Asperger's syndrome and I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. This combination proved to be oil and water. He is one of my great friends in this life and I have been very worried about him as he is having some serious health issues. But a marriage between such polar opposites in the neurodivergent spectrum proved to be a volatile combination and not sustainable.
Our son is autistic and has ADHD. He's strikingly intelligent, but his way of thinking and problem solving does not jibe with the modern education system. He learns by doing and is incapable of learning by reading textbooks. Yes, he can read. He is a prolific reader of the likes of Roger Zelazny (whose works I sometimes have trouble wrapping my brain around), Fred Saberhagen, Kurt Vonnegut, C.S. Lewis, Arthur C. Clarke, and J.R.R. Tolkien. He simply is unable to conform to the textbook-and-lecture style of learning.
I feel like the world is missing out on a lot of great talent by insisting that everybody look alike and dress alike and think alike and talk alike. The Stepford Wives was not an instruction manual.
One of the things that I loved about AC/DC, outside of their badass marriage of the blues to garage rock, was the fact that these cheeky-ass working-class bastards gave the middle finger to propriety at every turn. This doesn't mean they believed in being mean and stomping on other people. They themselves had been bullied and belittled and had quite enough of it. They were speaking up for the "mongrels", for the "ugly" people, for the people who had been told that they would never amount to anything because they were weird and different and not conventionally attractive.
They were not a band for the ever upper-class high society. They were a band for the outcasts, like me. So, when I stood up for them when people started accusing them of "devil worship," I got pigeonholed as a devil worshiper too. It was pretty funny in retrospect. I went around throwing devil horns and evil grins at the idiots spreading the rumors. I was probably the biggest excitement they had in their narrow-minded lives.
Fun's fun, but the reality is that I always felt bad for these guys who really weren't doing anything wrong. I had a particular affinity for Malcolm Young, because he was painfully shy (like I am by nature), because he tended to be depressive (gee, I wouldn't know anything about that, I'm just your dyed-in-the-wool ray of fucking sunshine), and because I could see that he was actually a lot more sensitive than he let on.
I have to confess that I was a bit jealous of the powerful bond of friendship that Malcolm had with Angus. Not everyone is lucky enough to have the other half of their soul born in the same lifetime. Forget having the other half of your soul be your guardian angel. Having them be your best bud is the way to roll!
In truth, most soul mate relationships I've observed have been platonic rather than romantic. Too much is made of the romantic soul mate bond.
In fairness, I think that (romantic) love stinks, so take my previous statement however you wish. Take it with a couple of grains of sea salt. I use sea salt in my cooking. I recommend it.
All this is leading up to something. Bear with me.
I honestly think that there is a degree of elitism in the insistence on rigidly adhering to certain concepts. People who do not have access to higher education don't get to learn the niceties of iambic pentameter (I didn't even know what the hell that was until I was in my 50's) or what the hell ever.
I didn't know the difference between a Haiku and a Senryu until I was in my 50's. I just liked the 5-7-5 pattern that I learned in the third grade or thereabouts and I enjoyed using it to express my dumb and worthless thoughts.
There's a lot of shit that I still don't know. It doesn't mean that I don't have the right to express my shit.
Similarly, there are a lot of musicians who are self-taught, who didn't have access to higher musical education, and, frankly, a lot of the time I like their work better than the works of those who have been properly trained. For instance, Chris Isaak (who, by the way, is an incredibly cool person) can't read music. He couldn't tell you what a pentatonic scale looks like, but if you were to play one for him, he would play it right back at you, embellish on it, and turn it into a really amazing song.
The slaves who sang the heart-rending spirituals on which the blues (a.k.a. the backbone of modern music) is based certainly did not have access to higher education about music or poetry. They sang to comfort themselves and their fellow slaves. They sang to convey messages. They did not express themselves in a "proper" fashion, but they damn well expressed themselves. They told their truth. They told their stories. And they had every right in the Universe to do both, propriety be damned!
As well, the idea that using profanity shows a lack of intelligence is elitist fuckery, and I don't have a whole lot to say to anyone who adheres to that foolish line of thinking.
I think I would have thrown myself from a precipice long ago if it weren't for the rule-breakers and "mongrels" of this world. I couldn't bear the idea of being shut in a room with a bunch of hoi-polloi. Pair me with the proletariat any day.
I do like to share my work, and for a while, it seems to go well enough. But I invariably learn the lesson that my truth is not pretty or polished enough and I am not sweet and sunny enough, and I end up saying "fuck it" and oozing back down the back alley from whence I crawled forth in the first place.
I will never be acceptable. For the most part, I think that's a good thing. But it does get kind of lonely, so now and then I go against my own rule about not engaging and I engage. This is generally a mistake.
Live and learn. Again and again and again.
Now I have to unruffle my feathers so I can prepare the latest Carnal Invasion manuscript for publication via my seedy little company, Naughty Netherworld Press, purveyors of high-quality Kindle smut. These are supposed to be gleeful romps featuring a group of randy, shapeshifting aliens having a go with elementals, humans, vampires, werewolves and such, not a heaping helping of angry argleblargh by a pissed-off editor. I need to switch gears toot sweet.
~Cie~
Cracks me up every time. I did see an interview later where Malcolm revealed that the director for this set of videos behaved like a drill sergeant and they couldn't wait to get away from him. Angus spent the entire interview doubled over with laughter. Reporters had a tendency to interview the brothers separately because when they were together they tended to start smirking and chortling about some joke that only they were in on, and one couldn't get much useful information out of them.
His twin brother Joub, slain at age 13 by Qweh's soldiers
Dearest, beloved brother
We were born in hell
Dearest, beloved brother
Never in peace to dwell
Scapegoated, seen as lesser
We were born in hell
Tortured by our oppressors
Nonetheless, we had one treasure
Scapegoated, seen as lesser
We had a blessing without measure
The bond that was between us
Nonetheless, we had one treasure
We had one another's trust
You sacrificed yourself for me
The bond that was between us
From this grief I'll never be free
Dearest, beloved brother
Until your face I may once again see
Dearest, beloved brother
Serab
In memory of his brother, Joub
On the occasion of their sixteenth birthday
Notes:
Elf brother images purchased from 123rf.com
Creator information appears on the lower right corner of the angel and demon brother images.
Nerdy trivia, mostly for the benefit of the members of Team Netherworld.
Serab is a major character in Team Netherworld's long-running WIP, Fetch. He is the previous incarnation of the story's main male protagonist, Gerry Clifford.
In his most recent lifetime, Joub reincarnated as Gerry's younger brother, Paul.
The brothers are platonic soul mates, who were originally the sixth and seventh sons of Lucifer.
Malak, the sixth son of Lucifer, later incarnated as Serab the Thief on Zecor (Zetar 6) and most recently as Gerry Clifford on Earth
Malak is of the Celestial order of Greater Spirits
Arion, the Seventh Son of Lucifer
Created by Lucifer from Malak's heartfelt wish for a best friend
Later incarnated as Joub, the twin brother of Serab, on the troubled planet Zecor
I used Google Image Search and still could not find the origin
If anyone knows it, I will be glad to credit them
Otherwise, I guess they can sue me
I have a crappy mobile home with no working furnace or shower and a mold problem, or I have a beat-up 1998 Subaru Forester.
Neither is worth much, take your pick.
I hate art thieves. I would never use anyone's work and claim it as my own.
However, I am an adult, and sometimes I get tired of being lectured about being an errant shitbag if I can't give super duper ultra proper credit on every picture I use to illustrate a poem or story which is never going to earn me a dime but which I feel properly illustrates the work. Keep in mind, I write because I can't draw. Unless you're wanting a pre-school level story illustrated with stick figures. That I can do.
I am making zero profit off my writing. Quite the opposite, in fact. I could go to my place of employment and pick up more hours during the time that I'm wasting on writing. Most of the time I don't even get any comments. I hardly think I'm any kind of threat to anyone's livelihood.
I tried to find pictures of angel and devil brothers. I found a lot of cute cartoons. I chose one of a chubby cartoon angel and devil couple to use in a forthcoming project.
I also found a lot of sexy, scantily clad, young, conventionally attractive white women and a lot of hunky, scantily clad, young, conventionally attractive white men. This is not what I was looking for.
The poem is both explanatory and illustrative of the dynamic between Gerry and Paul Clifford, the brothers who are central to Team Netherworld's work in progress, probably never to be entirely completed novel, Fetch.
Gerry and Paul's basic physical appearances, personalities, and the dynamic between them were inspired by real-life brothers Angus and Malcolm Young. Beyond this, Gerry and Paul developed into their own beings. They are not clones of the Young brothers.
In other words, hunky young studly angel and devil dudes would not be an accurate illustration of Gerry and Paul, who are diminutive older men and were never considered conventionally attractive.
As well, although Angus has a tendency to wear less and less clothing as a performance goes on, he doesn't have the chiseled abs of a male stripper, nor does he get his rather hairy chest waxed.
Malcolm generally wore tank tops and he did have muscular arms from many years of playing the guitar, but he was still tiny in stature and did not fit the Sexy Male Stripper Angel image.
Paul doesn't wear a schoolboy uniform. He opts instead for a conventional business suit, and by the end of a show, he is down to a Speedo.
I have a nice photo of Angus and Malcolm Young which I considered using but figured I'd be written off as "fangirling," so I chose the image at the top instead. Which I couldn't find the source for. So I'm, you know, evil and a crappy person and all.
Speaking of art thieves, my dear friend Kamidiox is a talented artist from Mexico City. Art thieves stole much of her Supernatural-related fan art and tried to pass it off as their own, selling it on t-shirts and cups via Teespring. This caused no end of trouble for Kami, bringing undue stress into her life and wasting her time. I can't abide people who would do such a thing. I think them to be the worst of losers.
Kami made the above image for me. She even managed to make me look cute (no small feat that!) while remaining true to my appearance. (Hint: I'm not young or thin, and you'll never see me posing as an angel or devil hottie.)
I'm thinking about having the guys made into tattoos, one for each arm.
If you would like to commission Kami's talents for an idea of your own, she can be found at kamidiox.tumblr.com
In any case, I do not claim the picture I used to be my own work, I am making no money from this, and I'll gladly credit the creator of the image if I can find them. It's possible that I purchased the image from 123rf and didn't file it properly, but I wasn't able to find it there.
Fetch borrows from various mythologies, particularly the Cthulhu Mythos, but also including elements from more modern works, such as Supernatural. Bonded platonic soul mate pairs follow the example of Dean and Sam Winchester, where Dean is the vessel for the celestial element (Michael) and Sam is the vessel for the infernal element (Lucifer).
However, in the mythology of Fetch, instead of being vessels, the characters are entities embodying celestial and infernal elements. Gerry is the celestial element, Paul the infernal. Pepper (the troubled medium assisting the brothers) is the celestial partner in a platonic soul mate bond with her infernal brother Carrington.
I am also creating a Supernatural version of this poem just for my friends in the fandom. I suppose that's fangirling. Oh well.
Angus Young (L) was the first person to notice that something was amiss with Malcolm Young (R) when the bright and hyper-organized Malcolm began to become disorganized and forgetful. Angus covered for his brother, at first helping him remember things that needed to be done, and eventually covering for Malcolm during performances when he would miss chords from songs that he'd written himself.
Before Malcolm lost the ability to remember what he had done during his life or even the ability to recognize the people he was closest to including the brother who seemed to be the other half of his own soul, he told Angus to keep making music. Not long afterwards, it became necessary to place him in a long term care facility.
It is my belief that a bond like this one survives even death, be it of mind or body. Not everyone is fortunate enough to know the reflection of their soul. Such a reflection is not always romantic; as in this case, the reflection is platonic and/or filial. In any case, such a union is to be treasured. It can never be destroyed.
~Koni~ Cross-Posted to: Dream About Me, Sweet Brother
(Note: Blog overall is NSFW; certain posts contain explicit gay erotica)
