Image by Lucija Rasonja from Pixabay
I feel an all too familiar pain in my soul
As I look out through foggy glass surrounded by weathered pane
And realize that I will never be on top of anything
Not even if I take a plane to the stars
It is plain to me that my most troubled relationship
Has always been the one that I have with myself
~cie~
Write a "top" poem
Write about a troubled relationship
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Curiously I always thought that being your own critic was the best as others advice would be from those that didn't know you so well.
ReplyDeleteThat's different from what I mean. That's holding oneself to high standards. I'm a perfectionist. The standards I hold myself to are impossibly high. Nothing I do is ever good enough, and the horrible things my detractors say about me are nothing compared to the ones I hit myself with. I'm my own worst enemy.
DeleteGood write, but quite sad. :(
ReplyDeleteSimply reality.
DeleteAnd that's the way we are. If it's okay with us then we don't need to make blame on anyone, not even ourselves. I liked this, Cee, good write. It was an awakener to what I never worried much about.
ReplyDelete..
See, I have no idea what it would be like to just be okay with myself and the way things are, because I never have been. Thanks for reading.
DeleteThis is such an honest poem, Cara, which is all so familiar!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Good to see you. I miss Kristian's prompts because they helped form a little community. I know he's going through a really tough time.
DeleteI am my own worst enemy and worst critic. But also my fiercest advocate. The inner struggle is intense.
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of the same for me. When I was younger, I had such a low self-esteem that I figured I deserved to be treated like garbage. As I got older, I didn't develop much love for myself, but I developed enough self-respect that I no longer allow others to treat me like crap. I may be everything they say I am. I'm ugly, undesirable, fat, stupid, all of it. They still have no right to treat me like garbage and I won't have it.
DeleteI call people out on ad hominem attacks. Why does anyone think they have the right to treat someone like crap for not being what they think is attractive or for having a certain body type? I'm not having it!
Thank you for stopping by.
I completely agree, the "most troubled relationship[s]" tend to be those that happen inside. Human beings are too often highly critical of themselves and the traits they (or others) have labeled faults. There is freedom in--and the best kind of love--in understanding, accepting, and embracing the self. But goodness knows that it isn't ease, and in some cases nearly impossible.
ReplyDeleteI doubt that I will ever "love" myself. The concept is foreign to me. I've learned to respect myself to varying degrees, but it's a fragile peace.
DeleteI have never really been dependent on others for moral. As for myself I have always been and will be a rebel of sorts. And I am one to think that rebels in general, while having high enough standards don't really care what others think. I am not a perfectionist. We are who we are. Knowing that is more than half the battle - I can only suppose.
ReplyDeleteMy father was a perfectionist who never lived up to his own overly high standards and he imparted perfectionism to me. I always felt like I was a massive disappointment to him and, more often than not, I've been a disappointment to myself. Conversely, what I have gone through has made me the sort of person who fights tooth and nail when I see others being treated unjustly.
DeleteLong ago I read something in a book about seeking a fulfilled life, and one thing stuck .... First you have to learn to love yourself ... One of the most difficult things to do, I think!
ReplyDeleteIn my case, impossible. I'll aim for trying to respect myself. Results may vary.
DeleteThere is a real poignancy here your readers will do doubt relate to ... well done.
ReplyDeleteOh dear! I wonder how many this is true of – at least to some degree. I was only thinking today (before reading this) how many decades it has taken me to overcome this kind of thing - at least to some degree.
ReplyDeleteMe too. I'm 56 now. I was in my late 30s before I developed enough self-respect to keep myself away from abusive men and to see through the "love-bombing" phase of courtship.
DeleteThese are very interesting comments.I can relate to the perfectionist part of your plight. The difference is I like it
ReplyDeleteI was raised liked this too. The difference is I am comfortable with it. I was taught you must give everything your best shot and I believe that is how it should be.You can only give of best and that is all that can be expected. This should give your esteem a boost because so many do not.I dont believe in the ' be yourself' mantra . It is too narcissistic...no one is born perfect and there is always room for improvement.A very unpopular view held by few but one that I believe in. Do your best and you have every reason to be proud of yourself
Except that isn't how it was. I was not raised with "give it your best shot" I was raised with "your best isn't good enough." When practicing a piece of music, if there was even one wrong note, it had to be done again and again. If I practiced for an hour a day, I wasn't taking it seriously unless I was playing for two hours a day. Nothing could ever be done simply for enjoyment. Anything that was done had to be leading to a greater purpose. My feeling is that nothing I do is ever good enough, nor will it ever be, and that I am an abject failure. I suppose it's a bit useless to try and explain it as those who don't experience these emotions don't understand them.
DeleteWe always over analyze ourselves sometimes to the point of creating monsters that would never otherwise be birthed.
ReplyDeleteWe are better than those parts that others, especially regard as nothing. And we can and will rise plainly above if we accept our gentle and creative selves for the truth and courage that we possess.
Sorry about the spam on your other blog. I had a different spam issue which is why I only operate one blog now and haven't bothered to change icons. Cuts down on the spam. ~Jules (who does MLMM Sat Mix prompts)
There was one blog that got inundated with spam to the point where I just shut it down. I couldn't possibly have just one blog. I have too many different topics and it would be a hot mess. I have a bit of an obsessive need to categorize things.
Delete