Not Here to Please You

 

Image by Dina Dee from Pixabay

If you have a problem with my shape

I am here to tell you my body is not your business.

If my body is not pleasing to your eye

You are more than welcome not to look,

Or you can just fuck off.

notes

https://experiencewriting.com/2023/10/17/oct-17-prompts-phases-of-the-moon/

For today’s poem think about transformation: physical, situational, or otherwise.

I have an assortment of health problems, and my appearance is quite far from the socially prescribed ideal. I tried to hate myself thin for 33 years. Fortunately, I discovered size acceptance and the principles of Health at Every Size. 

https://bit.ly/HAESCIE

These concepts helped me make peace with myself and encouraged me to take better care of the body I have rather than trying to force it to become something it will never be.

The attitudes society encourages towards larger people sicken me. 

Do you really think you're helping anyone by shaming heavy people?

Or are you just looking for a scapegoat?

If you weren't able to hate on fat people with impunity, who would you hate?

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Hangry Wyrm

Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

"No more starving ourselves, Owl! When's dinner?"

Free use image from Open Clipart Vectors

"Right now, Hangry. Dig in!"

November PAD Challenge 2022: Day 15: Dawn Thoughts

Dawn Thoughts 2

See notes for image information

I once despised dawn

today I am glad of it

opportunity

new thoughts I can imagine

old pain I can put to rest

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Image by Frauke Riether from Pixabay

notes and prompts

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2022-november-pad-chapbook-challenge-day-13

Told ya I was gonna keep on truckin' with the ekphrastic poems! Find the info below.

I created the header image by layering two photos and using special effects from Pixlr.com

Image by bess.hamiti@gmail.com from Pixabay

https://www.clevelandart.org/art/1938.6

Ancestral Commemorative Head (uhunmwun-elao)

possibly mid-1500s or early 1600s

Nigeria, Benin Kingdom, Ẹdo peoples, members of the Igun Eronmwon (royal brasscasters) guild

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-poetry/2022-november-pad-chapbook-challenge-day-15

Write a thoughtful or thoughtless poem. I think today's Tanka is pretty thoughtful.

https://imprompt.wordpress.com/2022/11/08/day-8/

Write in praise.

https://imprompt.wordpress.com/2022/11/15/day-15/

Write an aubade. An aubade is a poem about dawn. It has no specific rhyme or rhythm scheme. 

Today's aubade praises the dawn, something I never thought I'd do again in this lifetime.

"Well, who hates the dawn, Ornery, you crusty old owl-crab? What kind of misanthropic curmudgeon doesn't love to see the sun come up on a new day?"

One who knows they probably have yet another day of bullying and abuse to look forward to.

One who will go to a job they hate. 

One who is grieving.

One who is traumatized.

Someone whose first waking thoughts are abusive rhetoric that has been drilled into their psyche. It has only been during this past year that my first thoughts on waking haven't been something along the lines of "you fat, disgusting pig, nobody could possibly love anything that looks like you. Eww, you're so gross! Why don't you just stop eating, Fatty?"

I didn't stop having these thoughts because I lost a semi truckload worth of weight and now I have a "revenge body." What a wretched concept. I'll likely always be fat unless my zombie thyroid suddenly revives and revs up my metabolism to transwarp 666 gazillion parsecs per nanosecond, turning me from a portly and perpetually pissed-off prairie witch to a svelte Borg siren existing for the sole purpose of serving man.

In other words, not gonna happen.

Nope, I finally realized how horrible and shitty diet culture really is and concluded that anyone hell-bent on judging a person based on their physical appearance rather than their personality is someone whose opinion matters no more to me than a gnat's fart in a category 15 hurricane. In other words, less than not at all. 

This realization was even more freeing than the day I decided I was tired of being blonde and stopped bleaching my hair to hide the gray.  I started going gray at 27. I have thick, somewhat coarse hair that tends to be resistant to coloring, so I started bleaching it. My hair became very dry and brittle, having the approximate texture of straw, and it was falling out. I decided I no longer gave any fucks about people thinking I'm (gasp) old, and I dropped the bleach habit.

I used henna to color my hair for a while, not because I cared about hiding the gray but because I found it fun to dye my hair different wild shades of blonde, brown, black, or red. Unfortunately, I developed an allergy to henna, which caused big flakes and scabs to form on my scalp. I now use silver brightening shampoo and a color-depositing conditioner to enhance the silver tones. I'm pleased with how shiny and soft my hair is since I started this routine.

I really don't care if anyone thinks someone else's physical appearance is unattractive or "unhealthy." Let's face it, the "for your health" screed really isn't about health. It's code for "but fat people are ugly and you have such a pretty face and if you'd just lose (insert arbitrary amount of weight here) you'd be fuckable." People are going to think what they're going to think. The more enlightened among us check our prejudices and call ourselves out on our bullshit. 

People's bodies are nobody's business but their own. If you feel the urge to insult someone's appearance, whether simply to be hurtful or because you believe you're being "helpful," I suggest taking ten steps in the other direction and going in search of your beeswax elsewhere. Other people's bodies are none of your beeswax.  

Nobody deserves the dawn thoughts I woke up to for decades. Don't be the person who awakens such thoughts in someone else.

Here is some gorgeous background music from Mirror's Edge Catalyst.

Here is the link in case you can't see the player.

https://odysee.com/@GamingAmbience:6/mirror%27s-edge-catalyst-rezoning-combat-3:b?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

But wait, there's more!

Once again, here's the link in case you can't see the player.

https://odysee.com/@GamingAmbience:6/mirror%27s-edge-catalyst-rezoning-combat-2:6?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

Building this post is taking a while. Here's some more background music from Mirror's Edge Catalyst.

Here's the link in case you can't see the player.

https://odysee.com/@GamingAmbience:6/mirror%27s-edge-catalyst-rezoning-gridnode:8?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16

November PAD Chapbook Challenge: Day 10: Tyranny of Perfection

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

so I got to thinking

what if Death 

isn't a grim dude in a black hood

but is instead

an annoyingly perfect and perfectionistic

aerobics instructor

who chirps at you

that it's time to do your cardi-oh-oh

and when you do those leg lifts

you've gotta squeeze those glutes

because if you don't squeeze 'em

no-one else will

and I kind of got to thinking

what if I don't want my life

to revolve around whether or not

some dudebro wants to

play grab-ass with me

and then that chipper death

chirped at me that I

need to mind my carbs and calories

because fat is the very worst thing

that a person can possibly be

and then I got to thinking

that maybe that's not true

that in fact the worst thing a person

can possibly be

is a sanctimonious twat

who refuses to respect

other people's lives and conditions and preferences

and bodily autonomy

and who really can just fuck off

and then I got to wondering 

if maybe that's the way Death works

is by annoying people to death

by making them fight all day every day

with vicious inner voices

that tell them they're no good

because they have dimpled thighs

or chunky butts

or saggy boobs

or tummy rolls

or they just aren't perky-werky enough

and then I got to thinking 

that maybe what happens

is people get tired 

of hearing Death's annoying voice

bleating at them to get up and at 'em

because nobody who isn't perfect

deserves to have a life

and so they smash the snooze bar

on their internal clock

one too many times

in an attempt to shut the annoying bitch up

once and for all

~Cie~

Notes:

Today's November PAD Chapbook Challenge asked for a (blank) of (blank) poem. I initially went with "hands of time," which is how I found the image of the perky aerobics instructor looking lady with her watch. I started thinking about all the years and time and money I spent trying to hate myself thin, and it really pissed me off that the message people (especially women) are sent from the moment we draw breath isn't "take care of yourself because you are worthwhile regardless of your size or looks," it's "if you girls aren't thin and pretty in a very specific way, you are garbage and don't deserve happiness." 

So, I changed the title of my poem to Tyranny of Perfection and wrote about what it feels like to fight with the hateful internal dialogue that has been crammed down my throat for as long as I can remember. It would be nice to be able to just BE, without having to fight with these horrible messages from the cradle to the grave. Doing so is the biggest fucking waste of time and a waste of a perfectly good life too.

The Cheese Grates It + OctPoWriMo 2017: Day 25: Don't Buy the Bullshit

This image was found in multiple places and I am unable to determine its origin.

If anyone knows the origin of the image, I will be glad to properly credit its creator.

Don't Buy the Bullshit

Nobody

Has the right

To make you feel

Bad about your body

Never apologize

To anybody

For your body

Those busybodies

Who think it's okay

To belittle others' bodies

Need to take a long walk

Off a short pier

Into shark-infested waters

With raw steaks

Tied to their bodies

The Cheese

No Longer Apologizing for My Body

Note:

I am not officially participating in today's OctPoWriMo prompt, although I did create a poem in spite of the fact that I initially wasn't going to because die-t talk is such a turn-off for me. However, I have to keep in mind that many people haven't been lucky enough to find Size Acceptance and Health At Every Size as I did. This is why I share here my response to this prompt.

If I hadn't found size acceptance and health at every size at age 45 (seven years ago now) I would be 52 and still hating myself and calling myself horrific names like "fat pig" and "disgusting land whale." Thanks to my myriad of endocrine problems plus DNA (my mother's side of the family tends to be heavy, and to have endocrine problems) I will never be thin unless I develop a deadly disease such as acute myelogenous leukemia as my great-grandmother did. She went from 300 pounds to 95 in the space of a year, and then the disease killed her.

It isn't being a "foodie" that determines a person's body type. The multi-billion dollar die-t industry has doctors and the FDA in its pocket. Most so-called diseases of obesity are actually diseases which become more likely with aging in people of all sizes. 

I worked with the elderly for close to 25 years. There are elderly people of all sizes. The idea that there are no fat old people is a fallacy. Fat old people are no less healthy than old people of other sizes. In fact, many of the fat older folk that I worked with were reasonably healthy. There was one portly gent in his nineties who was a diabetic and still taking care of himself. I worked night shift and only heard from him on one occasion: when he hurt his hand.

Nobody needs to apologize to anyone for their body type. It's really not something we can help and trying to change it tends to result in temporary weight loss with more weight ensuing. Dieting is horrible for the metabolism. 

I am not the best person to explain the science behind this. I recommend these blogs:

danceswithfat.wordpress.com

bigfatscience.tumblr.com

Ragen Chastain, the blogger behind Dances With Fat, is a competitive dancer who participates in marathons. She is five foot four inches tall and weighs 280 pounds. 

For my own part, I sometimes can't afford more than one meal a day and I work a very physical job. Still fat. However, unlike in the past, I don't give myself added stress by hating myself for my weight.

I hope you'll consider my thoughts. Too many people hurt themselves hating the bodies we were given to live in. There's nothing wrong with your body or your love for good food.

Here are some bodies that people have been shamed for having.

Too short and skinny to be "manly"

In good health for someone in his age range

Too short and skinny to be "manly"

Terminally ill/multiple health issues

Too fat to be "attractive."

In good health for someone in his age range

Too short and skinny to be "manly"

Died from stomach cancer at age 67

Too fat to be "attractive"

Shot to death at age 24

Too short and skinny to be "manly"

In good health for someone in his age range

Too fat to be "attractive"

In good health and putting up with no bullshit from haters

Dare you speak ill of the Queen of Soul?

I wish there had been a Beth Ditto around when I was younger

Maybe I wouldn't have abused my body with years of dieting and myself with years of hate for "failing" at dieting

When I opened this photo of Adele, one of the first suggested searches that came up was "flattering hairstyles for overweight women."

May I just say, fuck that shit.

Fuck "flattering," and over what weight?

The B in BMI stands for Bullshit.

The BMI is an actuarial tool. It was never meant to be used as a measure of health.

We need to stop conflating our worth with a number on a scale.

~The Cheese Hath Grated It~

Wasted Moments

Wasted Moments

Warning: Post contains NSFW image (nonsexual nudity)

You told me you didn't care

About the size

Of my thighs

That you loved me fat or thin

But my dear, you couldn't win

Against hate so internalized

You said you wanted to see me

But I turned out the lights

We could only make love at night

I despised the body I had

Taught from day one that fat is bad

What I am just wasn't all right

I wasted so much time

Hating myself

Wanting to be someone else

I regret those wasted moments

Blinded by internal torment

Instead of celebrating ourselves

My body is what it is

~Yeris~

Dedicating this to my husband, who will be gone 11 years this February

An amazing photographer who sees the beauty in various body types

This is the body type that I have, and this woman actually looks quite a bit like a younger version of me. 

I never hated other fat people. 

I never used to be able to say the word "fat" without thinking of it as an insult.

I so feared being seen as fat that I did some very damaging things to myself in my younger years to stay thin, although I was never really thin.

With less time and more kids, I became heavier.

This happens to a lot of us, and it isn't something we should be ashamed of. It's just nature.

I only learned in the past few years just how much damage the diet industry does to people. They pull in billions of dollars every year selling shame and self-hate. I refuse to be part of it any more. I thank the friends who introduced me to Health at Every Size and Size Acceptance.

These days I like to look at photos of larger women, either nude or in beautiful clothes, to help remind myself that there's nothing wrong with the body I have.

This is one of my favorite blogs:

Fat Girl Posing