Come As You Are Party: Hiding in Plain Sight

Image by annca from Pixabay

I go through stretches of time where I tend to be very open about myself because I want to educate people about what it's like to live as someone who is seen as a pariah. By teaching people through my lived experience, I hope to open minds and hearts so that perhaps others won't have to be as lonely, ostracized, broken and broke as I've been.

I don't think it's worked very well. 

Sometimes I say "fuck it" and do it anyway, because maybe my words are what someone else needs to hear.

Sometimes I withdraw.

At this point, I'm withdrawing and restructuring.

I've decided that the Horror Harridans blog is, overall, a really stupid place to share my poetry. I've started publishing my poetry and sometimes submitting it to other places for potential publication. It's possible that readers think my poetry is pretty damn horrible, in which case it belongs on a blog called Horror Harridans. Like Trent Lane, I've been thinking about changing the name of the blog, but I'm not sure what I'd change it to just yet. Maybe just Team Netherworld Creations.

In any case, if you still have a burning desire to read my poetry, it can be found at--get ready for it--my poetry blog, which is currently called Dark Hearts Love Too.

If you appreciate reading the mental health stuff, it can be found at the Crazy Creatives Cheerleading Camp.

If you want to find out what's going on at the Grover Hotel, including cooking tips and products I'm selling and/or recommend, Good Stuff from Grover is where you want to be.

I'm still going to cross-post snippets on the Horror Harridans blog, but if the snippets are all you want, you'll probably prefer the official Naughty Netherworld Press blog.

If book reviews are your thing, head for The Ornery Book Emporium.

For product reviews, affiliate marketing, and things of that nature, head up to Aunt Cie's Attic.

If you want to read about philosophy and such, try One Love.

Maybe you just want animal posts. In that case, you can follow along at either Animal Anarchy or Aww the Animals.

Maybe you just want pleasant pictures with no bitching. In that case, you are looking for Cie's Wonderful World.

Want nothing but shitposts? Then That's So Netherworld is where you need to be!

This is something I wrote back in 2014. 

My writing may seem like so much weird shit to those who happen upon it. It may seem the product of overactive imaginations, oversensitive hearts, people who can’t hack reality but whose sober thought processes conjure up scenarios way weirder than any drug trip.

That may be how my work appears to the casual observer.

My stories are actually saying:

The stuff that’s going on in the world hurts me so damn bad to witness.

I just want to make a world where things are maybe a little crazy, often a whole lot of fun that I'm never able to have in reality, and where everything turns out okay in the end.

If that’s crazy, then I'm proud to be crazy. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Real Cie

(aka Cie Cheesemeister)

aka The Ornery Old Lady

Head Buttmunch in Charge

Team Netherworld

Come As You Are Party: Wired Differently or Just a Flake?

Image by Wolfgang Eckert from Pixabay

This is my response(s) to a post on The Mighty.

It is my hope to back away from apologizing for who I am and instead explain about myself so that those I interact with might develop an understanding of those of us who are wired differently.

I have type 2 bipolar disorder and ADD as well as complex PTSD and OCD. I wasn't properly diagnosed with bipolar disorder or OCD until I was almost 40. I didn't know I had ADD until I was in my 50s. I was just always scolded for being forgetful and distracted. I have always vacillated between being Ms. Wonderful and being that flakey a-hole that everyone hates. I understand why it happens now, but I can't change the past. I wish people would try to understand me a little better, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

My son will be 30 this year. He is high-functioning autistic and has ADHD as well as anxiety issues and major depression. He is very intelligent and has read the entire Amber series (Roger Zelazny), much of Tolkien's writing, The Count of Monte Cristo, the works of C.S. Lewis, and the list goes on, but he can't learn from a textbook to save his life. I think the current educational system does a very poor job of addressing the needs of those who are not neurotypical. 

I technically also have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, but it is my opinion that borderline personality disorder is actually a form of complex PTSD and is an outdated and sexist diagnosis. It is almost exclusively applied to girls and women. Everyone who has it has endured some form of trauma, whether physical, psychological, sexual or a combination thereof. 

~Cie the Ornery Old Lady~

Image copyright Open Clipart Vectors

The Crazy Creatives Cheerleading Camp's Come As You Are Party + Song Lyric Sunday: Little Wing

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Jimi Hendrix, even though I was only five years old when he died. 

I actually didn't discover Jimi's music until I was twelve. My parents weren't keen for him. They had records by The Beatles, Bob Dylan, The Doors, and The Rolling Stones, all of whom I loved, but no Hendrix.

Jimi Hendrix was a hero to me, not that I thought I'd ever be able to play the guitar like he did. He was a true poet, and he was true to himself. He had a certain confidence which I knew I'd never have.

I may live to regret being open about this (I usually live to regret being open about things) but my brother and I once had a chat with Jimi Hendrix via the Ouija board. He was very cool. Know right now that I'm not going to argue about this. You don't think it happened and think it was just our subconscious, fine. Maybe that's so. I think it happened, and it was a great moment in my life.

I think Jimi wouldn't mind if I were to answer his song lyrics with a poem of my own.

Well she’s walking through the clouds

With a circus mind

That’s running wild

Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams

And fairly tales

That’s all she ever thinks about

Riding the wind

When I’m sad she comes to me

With a thousand smiles

She gives to me free

It’s alright, she says

It’s alright

Take anything you want from me

Anything

Fly on, little wing

-- Jimi Hendrix (1967)

For the big brother I never had in this life, here's my answer to your poem.

I remember that girl

Circus mind, running wild

A heart that believed in fairy tales

She wasn't as bad as everyone made her believe

Wild child with her head in the clouds

Who just wanted everything to be a beautiful dream

Her dreams became nightmares

As the world was revealed to be hard and uncaring

And she realized that the songs must come from somewhere else

The world tamed her circus mind

The merry-go-round broke down

The faire ended before she arrived

She sits in the graveyard of her dreams

And wonders if the ghosts will come

And take her to the party 

Where all her friends are waiting

With open arms to welcome her

Where she will belong at last

~Cie~

8 September 2019

Prompt Used:

Song Lyric Sunday