Suicide ideation by ACKZ Twisted -Art
From the Land of Lost Hope
Financial misery, no joke
Not much reason for hope
Dreams died a long time ago
I'd love to just let go
No such thing as true love
Not too much belief in anything but clouds up above
This old bipolar bitch doesn't have the means to be "duh, winning."
Plus I'm too old to find much fun in sinning
For too long I've been on the edge of losing it all
One day I'll find a cliff and from its edge take a fall
There's only one thing that keeps me keeping on
Once he can make it on his own, hell with everything, I'm gone
One of these days I'll learn to fly
One of these days I'll touch the sky
If I could I'd still be living a lie
Believing that everything would be all right by and by
But I can no longer believe the hype
That I'm just waiting for the fruit to turn ripe
With every year, it gets a little bit worse
Don't tell me my life's not a curse
If this little verse has been too honest in tone
It's simply the voice of pain suffered alone
And if you don't like the things I have to say
There's no need to be rude, just be on your way.
~Tempest~
Reporting honestly from Hell
I actually do have a son. He has unipolar depression, while I have type II bipolar disorder. Thus, he has the gene for bipolar disorder, and I pray it's never triggered.
He has made the choice that he will never have biological children because of the mental illness in our family.
My son is an adult, but he is trying to get through med school and still needs my support. If my lot in life hasn't improved by the time he's graduated and working, I will off myself, and I will not apologize for saying that.
Cross-posted to:
I asked for a serious poem about loss, and you delivered. I lived with bipolar disorder (in a family member) up close and personal for a lot of years and know just exactly what it means. Thank you for your candor and honesty here, and for being part of my FBF challenge.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Fireblossom. Getting it out in the open actually helped me feel a lot better, so thank you for the opportunity!
ReplyDeleteAmused with how you wrapped it up with the last verse. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteOn behalf of Tempest, thanks for visiting, J. Cosmo. I understand where she was coming from with that verse. There are too many people inclined to put down what they don't understand, and when one is feeling like Tempest was when she wrote this, they don't need that.
ReplyDeleteYou captured the loss of hope vividly and frighteningly in your poem. Difficult to read but worth it. No one can truly understand an other's pain, but you made it real. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI know that Tempest will be pleased to read your kind comment when she returns, Lola. Thank you for stopping by. Your avatar is adorable!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty. My heart aches that it is so for you, this feeling of alone in your suffering. I will not try and say I understand, I will only say that I have experienced levels of depression that make me feel as though I can honestly say that this voice resonates deeply and I hope there'll be a return of hope.
ReplyDeleteGracias for sharing, Tempest.
ReplyDeleteHope in the slightest, if any, this has given you a catharsis ad some strength with whatever your personal choices may be.
What you have spoken to, I too am in constant converstion with myself on these options.
Hope your receptive to another <>
Tempest, I read this poem with great compassion and understanding. I have two children with serious mental illness, and three grandchildren who are having their own struggles. I do understand the struggle, it is daily and, often, hourly, and it is a hard path. I have watched my daughter, however, work extremely hard to achieve a measure of stability and wellness. Her effort has been heroic. I want to say: life can still be beautiful. Things can get better. And I hope you can hang on. I send you my love, though I dont know you. I do know how hard it is. I so applaud you for writing it true. It does help, to put down the words.
ReplyDeleteMarcoantonio and Sherry, thank you for your comments. I know that Tempest will be glad to read them when she returns.
ReplyDeleteTempest has had severe financial problems for the past several years and receives no emotional support for her struggles from her immediate family, aside from her son. She actually does surprisingly well, all things considered.
I know that fear of passing it on to your children. The honesty of this moved me tremendously.
ReplyDeleteThis is so raw and real it breaks my heart. Thank you for being so honest. Hopefully in some small way it helps to say what you feel..to know you were heard. My heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteThis is a powerful poem with depth in each line. I felt the inner struggle of life. We all feel pain and emotions to various degrees. Raw and honest.
ReplyDeleteBright Blessings to you!
Tempest, thank you for sharing this. To me, "the economy" = other people being a*holes; getting run over by other people categorically sucks. If you've not heard of "hyperbole and a half", check it out - that author makes no excuses about her depression but sometimes has made some beautifully, wretchedly hilarious responses to it. Peace ~ M
ReplyDeleteI know that Tempest will appreciate all of your comments very much. I'm not sure when she'll be back. I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that they have been seen. The team appreciates all our visitors!
ReplyDeleteYour pain is so vivid and honest. I wish you hope. I wish you peace.
ReplyDelete