Big Fat Obsession

 

Free use image from Pixabay

content warning:

if you're offended by cussing

I don't give a fuck

 my blood reveals the faults in my stars

or at least in my DNA

my bones are strong, what can I say

my breath often spews forth in the ragged hacking

of an asthmatic cough

my heart, broken many times

beats strong and regular beneath my sagging breasts

in fact, medical people have commented favorably

on my hardy heart

but in the end, nobody sees a goddamn thing about me

except for my belly

which they've deemed too full of jelly

and my ample ass

so every day when I wake up

the first thing I have to do after taking a piss

is tell myself that I deserve to live

and that I don't deserve to be treated like shit

just because I'm fat

and if your thought starts with "well, if you'd just lose weight"

then you can fuck right off

along with everyone else who ever pounded this hate into my head

because I just did that a lot of times

until my body decided

I couldn't do that anymore

diets don't work

and you shouldn't treat people like trash

even if you don't think they're pretty

~cie~

http://www.octpowrimo.com/2020/10/octpowrimo-day-17.html

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This poem was posted to these places:

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The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)

Copyright 2020 by Naughty Netherworld Press/Poetry of the Netherworld

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Sandcastle Creations

Image by Marjon Besteman-Horn from Pixabay

I remember playing in the sandbox as a child

Hands digging into warm orange-golden grains

My sandcastles were, in reality

Nothing but cloddish bucket shapes

But, languishing in my imagination

I saw them as wondrous perpendicular spires

Climbing up and up to dizzy heights

Where a virtuous knight played out his heroic role

In the theatre of my mind

I couldn’t have imagined then

How pedestrian my life would become

No longer able to earn a stable income

I sit before the computer’s typewriter keyboard

Praying that the laconic moments

Will be few and far between

As I attempt to form a story

Of a dashing but broken hero

Through the curtains I see shadows of branches

~Cie~

Notes:

I chose the picture because from the back, at any rate, this is very much what I looked like as a child. There is no way I could have known what would become of me or my life. If that little girl had known what kind of worthless and hideously ugly creature she would become, she wouldn't have wanted to live.

I didn't stay cute for long. Even around six years old, it was becoming apparent that I had a terrible overbite. Two years of braces and that dreadful Martian headgear left me with a crossbite, which doesn't play a part in my appearance, but it is uncomfortable. It also left me with dead nerves in a couple of my front teeth and it couldn't close the gaps between my teeth. I ended up having to get an abscess removed, root canals, and caps on my six top front teeth to hide the remaining gaps and the fact that my left front tooth and left incisor are black from the nerve damage.

Dental veneers can hide how ugly my top front teeth are, but nothing can hide how ugly my face is as a whole, unfortunately. I am not at all a good-looking person, and in a world that is biassed towards a certain type of beauty, it has hurt me very much to be as ugly as I am.