Copyright: redbaron / 123RF Stock Photo
The Mask
Every day I try to put on the mask
And try to pass for normal
Sometimes it makes me sad
Sometimes it makes me angry
It always makes me tired
Pretending is tiring
Trying to pretend
I'm like those who call themselves normal
When I'm not and never will be
But it's easier than always, always always
Trying to explain, explain, explain
Sometimes I just want to be
I just want to express what's inside of me
It isn't as scary as most of you might think
I generally don't harbor homicidal fantasies
I certainly don't plan to kill anybody
However, when people hear the term "mentally ill"
They immediately think "dangerous"
Although statistics confirm the fact
That most persons with mental illness are not dangerous
We are in fact
More likely to be the victim of than the perpetrator
Of violence
We suffer in silence
I'm loud on the page
I'm not loud in person
I'm not very outspoken in every day life
I do my job
I come home alone
My children are grown, and I'm nobody's wife
It's not that I'm ashamed
of the term bipolar
I'll say it all day long
BIPOLAR, BIPOLAR, BIPOLAR
There, you read it
Are you afraid you'll catch my cooties now?
You'll be happy to know that yes, I've "taken my meds"
How people love to bandy about that term
Isn't it fucking hilarious?
Helena takes lithium
Isn't that a hoot?
Next, let's laugh at the diabetic taking insulin
Or the cancer patient using chemo
Now that's really a great joke!
I'm not out of touch with everyday reality
I do not have hallucinations, although some folks do
Here's the shocking truth
That does not make them lesser people
There are even people with perception disorders
Who recognize their hallucinations
Who make peace with them
Other folks aren't able to discern between illusion and reality
They need someplace safe where they can have caring guidance
Most of these folks aren't violent either
Most violent criminals aren't "schizophrenic"
Most aren't "bipolar"
Many are sociopathic or antisocial
Not all socipaths kill either
Though I really can't get along with them, as they overall lack empathy
(This is a clinical truism, not my assertion)
And I'm nothing if not compassionate
Being angry doesn't preclude that
I don't harm small animals
I keep them as companions
I have a few, I don't hoard them
Although I do have a bit of trouble getting rid of objects that others would probably discard freely
Let me tell you something about people who hoard
They aren't lazy
They also aren't there to be a spectacle for the modern freak show
Stop gawping at Hoarders
Stop thinking you're so superior to them
You just have a cleaner house
People with mental illness
Sometimes have trouble holding jobs
Often don't have access to proper medical care
Or dental care
Let alone psychiatric care
I've worked all my life
I can
That doesn't make me superior
It doesn't make those who can't work lazy
You wonder why I'm angry
You'd be angry too if all your life people made assumptions about you
Treated you like you were stupid
Treated you as if your problems were the butt of a joke
Used the name of your condition as a slur
Treated you
as if you
were
less than
human
Minimized your thoughts
Your feelings
Your soul
Stop.
Just stop.
I may overthink things
I'm asking the rest of you
To think about something
Besides yourself
For once in your life
To imagine how you would feel if you were always condescended to
For being you
And being told that
You shouldn't be
You
Stop
Just stop
And think
~Helena~
The Mask
Every day I try to put on the mask
And try to pass for normal
Sometimes it makes me sad
Sometimes it makes me angry
It always makes me tired
Pretending is tiring
Trying to pretend
I'm like those who call themselves normal
When I'm not and never will be
But it's easier than always, always always
Trying to explain, explain, explain
Sometimes I just want to be
I just want to express what's inside of me
It isn't as scary as most of you might think
I generally don't harbor homicidal fantasies
I certainly don't plan to kill anybody
However, when people hear the term "mentally ill"
They immediately think "dangerous"
Although statistics confirm the fact
That most persons with mental illness are not dangerous
We are in fact
More likely to be the victim of than the perpetrator
Of violence
We suffer in silence
I'm loud on the page
I'm not loud in person
I'm not very outspoken in every day life
I do my job
I come home alone
My children are grown, and I'm nobody's wife
It's not that I'm ashamed
of the term bipolar
I'll say it all day long
BIPOLAR, BIPOLAR, BIPOLAR
There, you read it
Are you afraid you'll catch my cooties now?
You'll be happy to know that yes, I've "taken my meds"
How people love to bandy about that term
Isn't it fucking hilarious?
Helena takes lithium
Isn't that a hoot?
Next, let's laugh at the diabetic taking insulin
Or the cancer patient using chemo
Now that's really a great joke!
I'm not out of touch with everyday reality
I do not have hallucinations, although some folks do
Here's the shocking truth
That does not make them lesser people
There are even people with perception disorders
Who recognize their hallucinations
Who make peace with them
Other folks aren't able to discern between illusion and reality
They need someplace safe where they can have caring guidance
Most of these folks aren't violent either
Most violent criminals aren't "schizophrenic"
Most aren't "bipolar"
Many are sociopathic or antisocial
Not all socipaths kill either
Though I really can't get along with them, as they overall lack empathy
(This is a clinical truism, not my assertion)
And I'm nothing if not compassionate
Being angry doesn't preclude that
I don't harm small animals
I keep them as companions
I have a few, I don't hoard them
Although I do have a bit of trouble getting rid of objects that others would probably discard freely
Let me tell you something about people who hoard
They aren't lazy
They also aren't there to be a spectacle for the modern freak show
Stop gawping at Hoarders
Stop thinking you're so superior to them
You just have a cleaner house
People with mental illness
Sometimes have trouble holding jobs
Often don't have access to proper medical care
Or dental care
Let alone psychiatric care
I've worked all my life
I can
That doesn't make me superior
It doesn't make those who can't work lazy
You wonder why I'm angry
You'd be angry too if all your life people made assumptions about you
Treated you like you were stupid
Treated you as if your problems were the butt of a joke
Used the name of your condition as a slur
Treated you
as if you
were
less than
human
Minimized your thoughts
Your feelings
Your soul
Stop.
Just stop.
I may overthink things
I'm asking the rest of you
To think about something
Besides yourself
For once in your life
To imagine how you would feel if you were always condescended to
For being you
And being told that
You shouldn't be
You
Stop
Just stop
And think
~Helena~
Copyright: ijacky / 123RF Stock Photo
Notes:
Notes:
Rulebreaker Helena did not end up using any of the suggested words, although she intended to. She just forgot about them. She has the memory of a leaky sieve.
Helena free-versed for fifteen minutes, because she is nothing if not an over-achiever...when it suits her to be one.
Helena lives with type 2 bipolar disorder. She's actually more okay with this than one might think, and navigates life pretty well. However, she is indeed angry, and she reserves the right to remain angry until people with mental illness are treated like people and not pariahs.
Helena also does not think that every last single neuro-normative person is a selfish prat, as may have been implied in the final lines of her poem. It is simply that she encounters the unthinking, uncaring attitude all too often: the attitude of "if it's not me, it's okay to treat it poorly and make it the butt of my jokes." Actually, that is not okay, and any person who does such things is, to put it mildly, an ass.
