Copyright: grandfailure / 123RF Stock Photo
LONE
Lonely
Lonely me
I feel unwanted
I feel undeserving
I fear I'm fatally flawed
LONE, lonely me, fatally flawed
~Cie and Pepper~
Notes:
~Cie and Pepper~
Notes:
Here is another work which is autobiographical to the author and also descriptive of Fetch's female protagonist, Pepper Baiij.
I desperately want to get back to working on stories again. I am lost without them.
At least I met Gem on the astral plane while in a troubled sleep that I hoped never to wake from.
In a world that wants sunshine, flowers, chirping birds, and unicorn farts, I bring you depressing poetry. Hence, I walk alone through this life.
~Cie~
Cara, I think expressing yourself and getting those depressing poems out of your system is good. May they free you up to do more uplifting writing and/or living. Thank you. xoA
ReplyDeleteExpressing, yes. Getting anything out of my system, not bloody likely. I'm 52 years old, have a trifecta of major mental illnesses (rapid cycling type 2 bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder) and a myriad of physical ailments. I've always been an outcast and my prospects for the future aren't great. I don't know what it is to be the sort of person who just gets a bit blue and then gets over it. I have heavy duty suicide ideation quite often, and medication isn't a cure. Most of them make me psychotic, which is not a barrel of laughs.
ReplyDeleteSome of us just aren't wired for the happy-happy-joy-joy.
Honestly, it is what is. I accept it.
the despair is palpable in your poem. If you have accepted the state you're in, maybe write stories from that space?
ReplyDeleteIt's rather a case of not having the time and when I do have the time being so exhausted that all I can manage to do is sleep. I actually do know how to write stories. I've been doing so since I learned how to make letters. Fatigue, brain fog, chronic pain, and seeing no way out of my current work and life situation do not contribute to creativity.
DeleteSorry to hear it and sorry to hear you won't be sharing the rest of your poems at the site. I'm not able to speak for others, but I know personally I haven't been able to read every poem of every person each day, so maybe it is more a matter of that than people only responding to the lovey-dovey ones? Anyway...
ReplyDeleteI respond to the five people ahead of me. I know nobody can read every poem. This was just a matter of me (stupidly) thinking, as I've done many times in the past: "Hey, I've found my tribe!" (In this case poets.)
DeleteI don't mind love poems. I do mind being told that I'm "going through a phase" and I'll "get over it." I wasn't "going through a phase" when I was a teenager either, my bipolar disorder was kicking in big time. The major features onset when I hit puberty, but I may have had it all along.
I understand that most people don't live with mental illness, but when I feel like my ability to express the worst of my emotions is being suppressed, I'm going to make like a porcupine and put out my quills. It's simply a matter of knowing there's another place I don't belong. Oh well.
Cara, I have loved reading yours. Though love feels like a strange word when someone writes about their tough times. Blogspot is a place I can only easily comment on when I'm on my laptop, and there's no simple 'like' to click on, so I haven't expressed my appreciation as much as I would have liked to do. Being low on energy myself, effort is a problem.
ReplyDeleteI will miss it if you don't share your poems, though I understand if you won't.
Personally, I'm grateful I wasn't the only one sharing from a darker place. You made me feel I wasn't alone. I'm sorry I didn't offer the same to you.