What the Fuck, Brain?
In a different kind of Move Like Jagger
In a different kind of Move Like Jagger
I'm gonna stick my hand in my heart
Rip it out
And spill my blood all over the page
I've lost my fucking head
The reason will soon become clear
In everything that's said
I said I wanted to put you in my pocket and keep you safe
I started thinking that I wanted to hug you
Until your memory came back
So I could see the light turn on in your eyes once again
I started thinking that you always looked a little sad
I started thinking that I wished I could soothe your sorrow
Cuddle away your blues or some such squishy-headed foolishness
Then I started thinking
Shame on me for what I started thinking
Fucking Midnight Confession style thoughts
About a married man
I started thinking that I want to do bad things with you
Like that's gonna fucking accomplish anything
Like that's gonna bring you back
Like what the hell is wrong with me?
And then the fucking dam burst
I haven't been able to cry about this
Even though I've talked about it till I'm blue in the face
What the fuck
What the fuck
What the fuck
Is wrong with the Universe?
Everything dies
But you don't create something so beautiful
Just to utterly destroy it
For however wrong my thoughts are
(And I hate myself for them)
They're nowhere near close to as wrong
As what's been done to you
Everything is in vain
Life is pain
Hope is folly
Confession is good for the tabloids
Some things try their best to be strong
Although they're actually fragile
I want to put you in my pocket
And keep you safe forever
~Cie~
For Malcolm Young
For those who think that AC/DC is nothing but a party band, this deep cut from the underrated Powerage album shows another side. At the heart of it, they're a hard-driving blues-rock band. They are the best of things.
Cross-Posted to:
I think you're being way too hard on yourself, Honey. But I love the rawness of this piece. It's absolutely gut-wrenching. I can hear your heart break.
ReplyDeleteWhat would be wrong is if you had met the guy and hit on him in spite of the fact that he's married. But you wouldn't have done that, I know you. Wanting to heal him isn't evil. Being attracted to him isn't evil.
Truth be told, he was always on my "wouldn't kick out of my bed" list. Which is simply lust. What you're expressing is something far deeper. It comes from your heart. Stop beating yourself up.
Love you.
Thank you so much, Wanda. I still think I'm being something of a sleaze. Maybe I am being too hard on myself, I don't know. Wouldn't be the first time.
DeleteThese guys who don't know their wow power are twice as potent as the ones who go strutting around like a rooster. He's so cute and playful in the first picture, and those eyes, my god! I really never realized he had such incredible eyes.
ReplyDeletePlease don't beat me like a bad dog--I really don't mean to sound like a huge pervert. I'm just saying, how could you help being attracted, especially when that face is owned by someone with such a wonderful personality?
Like Wanda said, stop beating yourself up. Of course you want to heal him, and that turned to feelings of wanting to be amorous with him too. It's okay. We don't think you're bad for it.
Damn right, Dolly, the sweet, innocent once are the ones that totally work it without knowing they are, and it's devastating.
DeleteNah, I won't beat you like a bad dog. But I will rap your knuckles with a ruler! ;-)
He does have the most beautiful eyes. Don't get me started or no-one will ever take me seriously again because I will make a complete ass of myself. And this is what makes me so ashamed! It's not a little bitty "oh sure, he's cute" thing. It's a "touch too much wouldn't be nearly enough" thing. And now I need to splash myself with a bucket of ice water and flog myself because ugh, so inappropriate!
"once" should read "ones." I was falling asleep when I wrote the above.
DeleteCheese, he has plenty of those who think he's a cute little bit of fluff. They aren't looking into his soul the way you are. You're not them, that's clear. I take you seriously. I'll wait for you to finish up with the bucket of ice water!
DeleteThanks Naila. Glad to know you have my back. :-)
DeleteThose little girls kinda drive me crazy, because no, he isn't a cute little bit of fluff. Never was, even when he had the baby face that they're all crazy for. He was always good looking but I thought he became truly handsome when he got older and his face became more angular. It really brought out how beautiful his eyes are.
Agreed, Cie. Also, digging the Touch too Much reference--well played!
DeleteYou express a lot of things here. Desire is one of them, but it isn't the primary emotion. Pain is.
ReplyDeleteDesire is not the same as lust. Think about a cake. Love is the cake. Desire is the icing. Lust is the decor.
Lust by itself is nothing. Who the hell just eats the decor? Lust by itself leaves a person feeling empty and unfulfilled. People keep chasing it hoping for fulfillment, but it can never provide that.
So what if there's a tiny element of you want to press your bits to his bits and grab handfuls of chest hair in what you've said?
Sorry--the opening for an Oatmeal reference was too good to resist.
The point is, that element comprises SO LITTLE of what you've said.
It's clear to me that you love the guy.
If someone can't understand that or if they think it's stupid...
SO WHAT?
I think he's lucky to have someone want to heal him the way you do.
I do too, but I'll leave the pressing body parts and grabbing handfuls of chest hair to you. I wouldn't want to be beaten like a bad dog, like Dolly! ;-)
I love you, my writing Sis.
I'm blushing!
DeleteI'm so flummoxed that there's no chance of me catching you and beating you like a bad dog. So I guess I'll just have to beat Dolly twice. ;-)
I love you too.
Naila, OMG! You're filthy!
DeleteDon't worry about you appearing filthy, Cie. Naila trumps you in spades. She's holding the ace.
So, apparently we're showing Cie how pristine and innocent her thoughts are as compared to ours? Okay, I'm in!
ReplyDeleteI'm a lesbian, and I'd still poink him. He's cute!
In all due seriousness, I saw nothing wrong with what you said. It was sweet and loving and filled with a helpless sorrow.
If all this love could heal him, he'd be better. I wish it could.
{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
Cie, he's pretty. But more importantly, he's beautiful. It's okay to feel what you feel, because what you really wish is that you could heal him. I understand. It's okay to feel love.
ReplyDeleteAll these months later and I still love this poem, enough to create an Erasure poem from it. Love you too!
ReplyDelete